How to Keep Attachment Strong When Your Attention Is Uneven 

Parenting Perspective 

Misbehaviour Is a Signal of Insecurity 

When one child is unwell, your time, energy, and emotional focus will naturally shift, and this is a normal part of parenting. However, children who are not unwell often interpret this shift as a drop in connection. What looks like misbehaviour is usually a child’s attempt to signal that they are feeling uncertain, sidelined, or insecure.

 

Offer Small Signals of Presence 

To preserve their attachment, begin with small signals of presence. Even when you cannot give equal time, you can offer moments of intentional attention. For example, while preparing medicine or sitting beside the unwell child, you can still say to the others, ‘I know this is a different kind of day, but I am thinking of you too.’ Brief verbal reminders like this help reassure a child that they have not been emotionally displaced. 

Respond With Curiosity, Not Just Correction 

If the well children act out, respond with curiosity rather than correction alone. You might say, ‘I wonder if you are feeling left out right now. It is hard when things are not fair.’ A child’s behaviour often calms once their feelings are named and acknowledged. 

Create Space to Reconnect Later 

Later, when things settle, create space to reconnect through even a short one-on-one interaction, a quick bedtime chat, a five-minute game, or reading a book together. These do not need to be long to be meaningful. The goal is to reaffirm their place in your heart, especially in times when your presence has felt uneven. 

Be Transparent About Their Sibling’s Needs 

Lastly, be transparent with your children, especially those who are old enough to understand. Saying, ‘Your sibling needs more help right now, just like you would if you were sick,’ invites them to see your role not as favouritism, but as service to each child when needed. 

Spiritual Insight 

Equity Is Not the Same as Sameness 

Islamically, equity in treatment is a serious responsibility upon a parent, but equity is not the same as sameness. Justice means giving each child what they need, according to their individual circumstances. 

Treat Your Children Fairly 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 31, Hadith 16, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly. Treat your children fairly.’ 

This repetition emphasises that fairness is not optional; it is a moral duty. However, fairness must be applied with wisdom. A child in illness needs care, and a child in waiting needs reassurance. Both deserve to feel seen. 

Uphold the Dignity of Both Children 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 70: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have honoured the descendants of Adam…’  

This Verse reminds us that each human being carries inherent dignity, including our children. When one child’s needs are urgent, and another child’s needs are quieter, a parent must remember to uphold the dignity of both, through presence, words, and affection. 

By gently balancing your care, naming feelings, and restoring small moments of connection, you help your children feel emotionally safe, even in times when life is not perfectly equal. This is how attachment is preserved: not by always dividing time evenly, but by making each child feel deeply valued.