How to Help Your Child Make Friends in a New City 

Parenting Perspective 

He Feels Excluded, Not Unwilling 

It is very natural for a child to feel unsettled when entering a new school environment where friendships are already formed. What feels small to adults can feel overwhelming to a child because friendships are such a central part of their sense of belonging. Your son’s words show that he is not unwilling to connect, but that he feels excluded and uncertain about how to start. 

Validate His Feelings 

The most important step is to validate his feelings. Telling him that it makes sense to feel left out, and that building friendships takes time, reassures him that you understand his struggle rather than dismissing it. Instead of pushing him into activities, try gentle scaffolding. For example, you might ask the teacher to pair him with a welcoming child in a group task or encourage him to join a smaller activity where it is easier to connect. 

Use Role-Play to Build Confidence 

At home, role-play can be helpful. Practise simple ways of introducing himself, or asking to join in. By rehearsing these interactions, he can feel more confident when the opportunity arises. You can also invite one or two classmates to your home for a short playdate or study session, as smaller settings can help a shy child feel more secure. 

Patience Is Key 

Most of all, patience is key. Friendships built gradually often become stronger and more sincere. By giving him space to adjust at his own pace, while providing consistent encouragement, you are showing him that his sense of belonging is not only tied to fitting in immediately, but also to feeling secure and valued at home. 

Spiritual Insight 

Meeting Different People Is for Wisdom and Growth 

When a child feels excluded or uncertain in new surroundings, it is not only an emotional adjustment but also a spiritual opportunity. Moments like these allow parents to gently remind their children that belonging is not only about being accepted by others, but about recognising that Allah has placed us among different people for wisdom and growth. 

Know One Another 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 13: 

‘O mankind, indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have created you all from one man and one woman; and placed you amongst various nations and tribes for your introduction to each other; indeed, the best of you in the judgment of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous...’  

This Verse teaches that meeting different people is part of Allah’s design. Your son may feel that everyone already has their group, but this experience can be framed as a chance to practise courage, kindness, and patience, knowing that Allah values righteousness above popularity. 

Look at Whom He Befriends 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 36, Hadith 75, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’  

This emphasises that friendships built on goodness are more important than simply being included in every group. Helping your son to look for sincere, kind-hearted companions aligns his social journey with spiritual guidance. 

By linking his struggles to Allah’s wisdom and the holy Prophet’s ﷺ teaching, you show him that difficulties in forming friendships are not signs of weakness, but steps in building faith and resilience. With this perspective, he can learn to approach new circles not with fear, but with trust that Allah will place the right people in his path at the right time.