How to Help Older Children Understand Public vs Private Speech 

Parenting Perspective 

As children grow older, they need to learn that not everything said at home should be repeated outside of it. Public speech requires more sensitivity, while private speech within the family allows for greater openness. Helping your child distinguish between the two prevents embarrassment, protects the family’s privacy, and nurtures their social awareness. 

Explain the Difference Clearly 

Use simple examples to illustrate the difference. You can say, “At home, we can joke about how messy your room is, but we do not say it out loud in front of other people.” Linking these rules to real-life scenarios makes the distinction practical and easier to understand. 

Practise Situations Together 

Role-playing can help older children prepare for real-life situations. Ask them, “If you feel annoyed with your sibling in the shop, how can you tell me privately instead of shouting?” Practising these responses helps to reinforce respectful habits and shows them how to manage their emotions in a healthy way. 

Emphasise Respect and Empathy 

Teach your child that words spoken publicly can hurt or embarrass others, even if that was not their intention. You should also remind them that private speech should still be kind. Reinforcing empathy helps them to understand the impact of their words beyond their initial intention. 

By guiding children in this way, you provide them with the tools to balance honesty and sensitivity, ensuring their words build trust rather than cause harm. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings provide clear guidance on the importance of discretion and mindful speech, especially when it comes to talking about others. 

Guidance from the noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive…’ 

This verse reminds us that careless or harmful words, especially when spoken publicly, can cause great damage and must be avoided. Backbiting is a serious sin in Islam, and its severity is likened to eating the flesh of a deceased brother. 

Teachings of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 11, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is enough of a lie for a man to repeat everything he hears.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that a person who repeats every piece of information they hear, whether in public or private, is not upholding the character of a believer. It highlights the importance of being thoughtful about what we share and repeat. 

By helping older children understand the difference between public and private speech, you are instilling in them the Islamic values of discretion, empathy, and responsibility. They will learn that words carry weight and that true respect means knowing when to speak openly and when to hold back, preserving both dignity and trust.