Parenting Perspective 

Some children avoid apologising not out of defiance, but because they genuinely feel shy, anxious, or overwhelmed in social situations. For a child with this temperament, the act of speaking up can feel incredibly intimidating. The goal is to make the process of apologising feel safe, gentle, and achievable, while gradually building their social confidence. 

Offer Gentle, Non-Verbal Alternatives 

If your child is too shy to say the words, encourage them to show that they are sorry through small, kind actions. This could be giving a hug, gently handing back a toy, or drawing a picture for the person they have upset. You can explain this choice to them by saying, “It is okay. You can say sorry with your words or you can show you are sorry with your actions.” 

Practise in Low-Pressure Situations 

Use role-play during quiet moments at home to help your child rehearse apologising in a fun and safe way. For example, you could use their favourite toys and say, “Oh dear, the teddy bear knocked over the blocks. How can the teddy show he is sorry?” This allows them to practise the concept of making amends without the fear of embarrassment. 

Model Calm and Respectful Apologies 

Demonstrate what a calm and normal apology looks like when you make your own mistakes. If you say, “I am sorry I was distracted just now while you were talking. I will put my phone away and listen to you carefully now,” they will see that apologising is a normal and safe interaction, not something shameful or scary. 

Encourage Small and Gradual Steps 

Support your child in taking small, manageable steps. This might involve them whispering ‘sorry’ to you first, which you can then relay to the other person. Over time, as they feel more supported and less pressured, they will gradually gain the courage to offer a quiet apology directly. By remaining patient and offering alternative ways for them to show they care, you can help your child overcome their shyness while still teaching them the important lesson that an apology is about kindness and strengthening relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam recognises and accommodates the fact that people have different temperaments. Some individuals are naturally confident and outspoken, while others are quiet or shy. In the sight of Allah Almighty, what matters most is the sincerity of the heart. Even if a child struggles to say ‘sorry’ aloud, teaching them that the inner states of humility and reconciliation are beloved to Allah helps to nurture the correct spirit within them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’ 

This verse reminds us that humility and gentle speech are marks of strong faith, and that even small words or gestures of peace carry immense value. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also praised the beauty of gentle behaviour in all circumstances. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2594, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything but that it leaves it defective.’ 

This teaches us that even a shy or quiet apology, if offered with a kind and sincere heart, is beautiful in the sight of Allah Almighty. By framing an apology as an act of kindness that Allah loves, no matter how softly or simply it is expressed, children learn that they do not have to be loud or bold to be sincere. This focus on sincerity over performance helps them to see an apology not as a frightening social demand, but as a gentle and beautiful way to heal hearts and grow in their faith.