How to Handle ‘The Favourite’ Accusation 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness Is Not Identical Treatment 

It can be painful to hear your son label his sister as ‘the favourite,’ because it suggests he feels overlooked or less valued. What he is noticing is the difference in how you respond to each child, which to him feels unfair. The challenge is to help him understand that fairness is not about identical treatment, but about meeting each child where they are. 

Acknowledge His Feelings First 

Begin by acknowledging his feelings instead of dismissing them. If he says, ‘She is the favourite,’ you might reply, ‘I hear that you feel I treat her differently. You are right, I do, because she needs something different than you. And you also have needs that are just as important, even if they do not look the same.’ This validates his concern while teaching him that fairness is about needs, not sameness. 

Use Concrete Examples 

You can also give concrete examples so he can see the principle in action. For instance, you could explain, ‘When you are tired, I let you rest. When your sister is upset, I use gentle words to help her calm down. Both of you are being cared for in the way that suits you best.’ Over time, this helps him reframe the situation as balance rather than favouritism. 

Be Intentional in Showing Him Affection 

It also helps to be intentional in showing him affection and gentleness in his own moments of vulnerability. If he mostly sees you as stricter with him, he may miss the warmth that his sister receives. By occasionally pausing to comfort him when he is frustrated, or praising him for his efforts, you remind him that your love reaches him too, even if expressed differently. 

Model Respect for Individual Differences 

This approach reassures both children that they are equally loved, while also modelling respect for individual differences. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah’s Justice Is Fairness Tailored to Ability 

Islam reminds us that Allah Almighty, in His perfect wisdom, deals with each of His servants according to their unique capacity and needs.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity; bearing the (fruits of the) goodness he has earnt, and bearing the (consequences of the) evil he has earnt (in the worldly life)…’ 

This Verse shows that Allah’s justice is not sameness, but fairness tailored to ability. Applying this to parenting means recognising that each child has different strengths, weaknesses, and sensitivities, and guiding them accordingly. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Be just between your children in giving gifts.’  

While this Hadith refers to material matters, scholars explain that justice also includes emotional and relational dealings. Justice does not mean identical treatment in all things, but ensuring no child feels neglected or unloved. 

By teaching your son that your gentleness with his sister is not about favouritism but about giving her what she needs, you reflect this principle of divine justice. When you also show him his own moments of care and recognition, you protect his heart from resentment and nurture in both children the understanding that Allah values fairness and mercy in all relationships.