How to Handle It When Your Children Only Want Mum 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding Your Child’s Preference 

It is natural for children to cling to the parent they are most accustomed to, especially when it comes to comfort, routines, or emotional reassurance. This does not mean that their father cannot build that same trust; it simply means children need time, consistency, and gentle boundaries to adjust. When you step back and they protest, it can feel like you are letting them down, but in reality, you are giving them the opportunity to learn that they have two safe parents to rely on, not just one. 

Ease the Transition With a Gradual Approach 

One way to ease this transition is through a gradual approach. Instead of stepping out completely, you can create a handover ritual. For example, you might start the bedtime routine together and then leave their father to finish it. Over time, increase the moments when he leads independently. This shows the children that you are not abandoning them but are confident in their father’s care. Children learn security not only from being comforted directly but also from observing your trust in another parent. 

Stay Calm and Validate Their Feelings 

It is also important to stay calm and steady when they protest. If you give in quickly, the message they receive is that crying or resisting will always return you to them, which makes it harder for them to build trust in their father’s role. Instead, acknowledge their feelings with words such as, ‘I know you want me right now, but Daddy is here and he loves you too.’ This validates their emotions while reinforcing the idea that both parents are safe anchors. 

Building a Balanced Family Foundation 

By working as a team and remaining consistent, your children will gradually learn that love and security are not limited to one parent. This shift protects you from burnout and strengthens their bond with their father, giving them a more balanced family foundation. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic Value of Both Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Luqman (31), Verses 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’ 

This Verse highlights that both parents hold a place of gratitude and respect in the life of a child. While a mother’s sacrifices are deeply recognised, children are reminded to honour and value both parents. Allowing your husband to take a more visible role is not abandonment; it is in line with the balance that Islam sets out for families. 

The Father’s Role as a ‘Gate to Paradise’ 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi, Book 27, Hadith 4, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The father is the middle gate of Paradise. So it is up to you whether you neglect this gate or take care of it.’ 

[Jami al-Tirmidhi, 27:4] 

This Hadith emphasises the spiritual weight of the father’s role in a child’s life. By stepping back at times, you are not depriving your children but giving them access to a relationship that Islam values highly. 

With patience, consistency, and trust, you can reassure your children that both parents are sources of love. Over time, they will grow in emotional security and in appreciation of the unique blessings of having two parents to lean on.