How to Handle In-Law Criticism Without Damaging Family Ties 

Parenting Perspective 

Balance Firmness With Grace 

Feeling criticised for your parenting, especially by in-laws, can cut deeply because it touches both your identity as a parent and your place in the family. You may feel the urge to defend yourself strongly, yet you also know the value of preserving family ties. Navigating this requires a balance of firmness and grace. 

Ground Yourself in Your Own Confidence 

One step is to remind yourself that criticism does not define your worth or capability. Often, remarks come from differences in generational experience or unspoken expectations rather than genuine concern for your children’s wellbeing. Grounding yourself in the knowledge that you know your children best helps you avoid reacting from hurt in the moment. 

Respond Calmly and Clearly 

When comments are made, you can respond calmly but clearly, such as saying, ‘I appreciate your concern, but we are handling it in a way that works for our family.’ This acknowledges their words without inviting an argument. Over time, this consistent response can set a boundary that protects your authority as a parent while avoiding hostility. 

Involve Your Spouse to Present a United Front 

It is also important to involve your spouse, as this is a shared responsibility. Even a small gesture of support from him can signal to both you and his family that parenting decisions are a united front. If this is difficult, start by having private conversations with your spouse about how certain comments make you feel and what kind of support you need in those moments. 

Step Back Emotionally and Model Dignity 

Finally, give yourself permission to step back emotionally from unhelpful remarks. You can maintain politeness and kindness without internalising every word. Your children will also learn from how you manage criticism with dignity, seeing that strength can coexist with respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Respect and Healthy Boundaries Can Coexist 

Islam emphasises both the importance of family ties and the right to protect oneself from harm. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words.’  

While this Verse speaks specifically about parents, the principle of respect extends to elders more broadly. It teaches us to uphold dignity in speech even when we feel hurt, but it does not require silent acceptance of unfairness. Respect and healthy boundaries can exist together. 

Strength Lies in Measured Responses 

It is recorded in Muwatta Malik, Book 47, Hadith 12, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who throws his opponent to the ground. The strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.’  

This Hadith reminds us that strength lies in measured responses, not in overpowering others with words. When you respond to criticism without losing composure, you embody prophetic patience and show your children how to manage conflict with integrity. 

Balancing family ties with self-respect is challenging, but Islam gives you the framework: respond with kindness, protect your dignity, and trust that Allah values both your efforts in parenting and your efforts in preserving harmony.