How to Handle Disagreements on Discipline as Parents 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural for two parents to approach discipline differently. One may lean towards flexibility, wanting to protect the child’s comfort, while the other may emphasise structure, hoping to secure long-term responsibility. Both instincts are rooted in care, but if they are expressed without alignment, children can feel confused and even exploit the difference between parents. 

The key is to remember that children need both warmth and guidance. If parenting is only lenient, the child may lack clarity and self-control. If it is only strict, the child may grow fearful or withdrawn. A balanced approach means blending firmness with compassion. In practice, this requires the parents to communicate outside of the child’s presence. Agree on which boundaries are non-negotiable (such as respect, safety, and prayer routines) and which areas allow for flexibility (such as leisure time or smaller household rules). 

Avoid Debating in Front of Your Children 

When disagreement arises in the moment, avoid debating in front of the children. Instead, one parent can respectfully defer, and then both parents can revisit the matter privately to adjust their approach together. This protects the child’s sense of security. Additionally, a parent who prefers firmness can practise showing warmth after setting a boundary, while a parent who prefers leniency can practise reinforcing limits gently but consistently. Over time, this will create a united balance where the child feels both protected and guided. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), verse 67: 

‘And it is those people that do not spend extravagantly, nor miserly; and (act in such a way) that is a balanced format between these two (extreme characteristics).’ 

Although this Verse speaks about spending, it highlights a wider principle: moderation is beloved to Allah. Parenting also requires a middle path, avoiding the extremes of harshness and indulgence. 

The Prophetic Model: Make Things Easy 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult, give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

[Sahih al-Bukhari,78:152] 

This Hadith shows that even when teaching or guiding, the approach should be inviting, not burdensome. When Islamic teachings were preached, they were spread through positivity not through forceful obligations or implementations. Applied to parenting, it means that discipline should guide without crushing, while mercy should comfort without removing responsibility. 

By combining firmness with gentleness, parents mirror the balance that Islam itself teaches. When both parents seek moderation for the sake of Allah, disagreements become opportunities to refine their shared path rather than compete. This unity not only strengthens the marriage but also gives children the clarity and safety they need to thrive. The decisions of parents when taken with gentleness and agreement from both sides, helps the child understand the unity within the family.