How to Handle Criticism from Your In-Laws 

Parenting Perspective 

When your in-laws criticise your parenting whether openly or through subtle comments, it creates more than just personal discomfort. It can make your child feel confused, insecure, or caught between two value systems. You might try to stay calm out of respect, but inside, you are carrying a mix of hurt, frustration, and protectiveness. 

And while you may want to avoid confrontation, you also know that letting this continue unchecked could reduce your confidence as a parent or worse, affect your child’s emotional sense of safety. 

How to Protect Your Child Without Igniting Family Drama 

Create private unity with your spouse first

 Before addressing the issue externally, ensure that you and your spouse are thinking the same. Share how these comments affect you and what kind of support you need. A unified front helps both in-laws and children see consistency and respect between parents. 

Use strategic boundary-setting

You do not need a full confrontation to set limits. If a comment is made in front of your child, calmly redirect by saying ‘We are trying something different with him, and it works for us.’  If repeated, consider a private response where you appreciate the concern but tell them that you would like to handle it the way you see better.  

Preserve your child’s emotional safety

If your child overhears criticism, clarify privately in which you mention that Nani/Dadi has her own way of doing things, but that does not mean we are doing anything wrong. ‘You are loved, and we are confident in how we care for you.’ This prevents seeds of self-doubt from taking root. 

Limit exposure to negative energy

You do not need to cut ties, but you can manage the setting. If tensions rise in group settings, create more one-on-one time with your child. Emotional protection sometimes looks like balancing environments, not blocking them. 

You are not disrespecting anyone by protecting your child’s peace. You are simply choosing calm over compliance and that is part of wise parenting. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on maintaining family ties but not at the cost of injustice or emotional harm. You are encouraged to uphold kindness without surrendering your dignity or compromising your role as a parent. 

The Divine Principle of Grace and Firmness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), verse 19: 

“‘And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys.’” 

This verse, often overlooked, teaches grace and firmness in speech. You are allowed and even encouraged to speak clearly and respectfully to preserve peace. A firm tone, delivered with moderation, is not rudeness but it is wisdom. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Primary Duty is to Your Child 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

“It is enough sin for a man to neglect those he is responsible for.”  

[Sunan Ibn Majah, 3667] 

Your primary duty is to your child to protect their emotional development, confidence, and sense of safety. If criticism from extended family begins to threaten that, your spiritual responsibility is to step in not in anger, but with strength and calm. 

So it is fine to set the boundaries. Say less but say it clearly. And ask Allah Almighty to place Barakah in your relationships, so that your silence never becomes self-erasure, and your protection never becomes conflict. With Dua, clarity, and patience, it is possible to shield your child and keep the family ties intact.