How to Handle Aggression From a Lack of Attention 

Parenting Perspective 

Aggression Is a Signal for Connection 

When a child shows aggression, it often masks a deeper need. In your son’s case, it seems his behaviour is a way of signalling, ‘I need you to notice me.’ Children do not always have the words to express this, so it comes out through frustration. Your role is to meet the underlying need without reinforcing the aggressive behaviour. 

Name Feelings and Set Clear Boundaries 

Begin by naming his feelings calmly: ‘I can see you are upset because you wanted my attention.’ This helps him feel understood, which can diffuse some of the aggression. At the same time, be clear about boundaries: ‘It is not acceptable to hit or shout, but I am here to listen.’ This balances warmth with firmness. 

Create Predictable ‘Connection Times’ 

You can also create predictable ‘connection times.’ For example, even ten minutes of focused play, conversation, or shared reading each day gives a child a sense of closeness that prevents them from chasing it through negative behaviours. When a child knows attention is coming, they are less likely to demand it with force. 

Foster Connected Independence 

For independence, introduce small tasks that he can do himself while still feeling connected to you. You might say, ‘I need to finish this, but why do you not draw me a picture and show me when I am done?’ This way he learns to self-direct but within a relationship that feels secure. 

Balance Closeness and Independence 

Balancing closeness and independence is not about choosing one over the other. It is about teaching your son that your love is steady while also guiding him towards healthy ways of managing his needs. 

Spiritual Insight 

Nurture Affection and Teach Self-Control 

Islam places great emphasis on both nurturing affection and teaching self-control. 

Respond to Harshness With Calmness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 63: 

‘And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.’  

This Verse reminds us that dignity is maintained by responding to harshness with calmness, a principle parents can model and teach when guiding a child through aggression. 

True Strength Lies in Self-Regulation 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 141, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who overcomes others by force, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’  

This Hadith teaches that true strength lies in self-regulation, not outward displays of force. Helping your son develop patience and calmness is therefore both a parenting goal and a spiritual teaching. 

By acknowledging his need for closeness while setting firm limits on aggression, you show him that love and discipline can exist together. Over time, this balance will teach him that independence does not mean distance, and closeness does not require force.