How to Handle a Child Who Provokes Their Sibling 

Parenting Perspective 

Balance Discipline With Guidance 

When siblings provoke each other, it can feel exhausting for a parent to know how to step in without creating more conflict. If you ignore the behaviour, the child being provoked may feel unprotected. If you discipline too harshly, the one provoking may feel singled out. What usually helps is striking a balance between addressing the behaviour and guiding both children towards healthier ways of interacting. 

Name the Behaviour and Empower the Other Child 

Start by calmly naming what you see: ‘I can see that you are trying to get a reaction from your brother, and it is upsetting him.’ This avoids blame and instead makes the behaviour visible. Then, help the child being provoked by giving them tools to respond differently, such as walking away or using words to express how it makes them feel. Comfort them briefly, but avoid making them the ‘favourite victim,’ as this can feed resentment. 

Find Out What Is Driving the Behaviour 

With the child who provokes, avoid labelling them as ‘the naughty one.’ Instead, find out what is driving the behaviour. Sometimes, provoking is a way of asking for attention, connection, or fun. After addressing it in the moment, set aside some time to give them positive attention when they are calm, so they learn there are better ways to connect. 

Both Children Should Feel Seen and Treated Fairly 

This approach helps both children feel seen and treated fairly. The message becomes clear: misbehaviour is corrected, feelings are acknowledged, and love remains steady for both. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Goal Is Reconciliation With Fairness 

Sibling bonds are meant to be a source of mercy and support, not constant rivalry. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’  

This verse shows that when conflicts arise, the goal is not to ignore them or inflame them, but to reconcile with fairness and mercy. Parents model this reconciliation by being firm against harmful behaviour while protecting the dignity of each child. 

Guide Them Towards Islamic Character 

It is recorded in Riyadh as-Salihin, Book 17, Hadith 224, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not one who taunts, curses, speaks obscenities, or abuses.’  

This hadith reminds us that hurtful words and actions are not befitting of a believer. When a parent teaches siblings to move away from taunting and towards respectful speech, they are guiding them towards Islamic character. 

By staying calm, setting clear boundaries, and reminding both children that love and fairness are not in competition, you help them practise what Islam teaches: mercy within relationships. Over time, this builds a family atmosphere where each child learns that provoking is not rewarded, and that sibling love is stronger than rivalry.