Parenting Perspective 

An older sibling may resist apologising to a younger one for a number of reasons, including pride, a fear of ‘losing face,’ or a feeling that the younger child is always favoured. Forcing an apology in this situation can create even more resentment, so the key is to guide them gently towards sincerity without causing shame or humiliation. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings First 

Before addressing the need for an apology, start by recognising your older child’s perspective and emotional state. You could say, “I can see that you are very upset right now and do not feel ready to say sorry.” When children feel that their own emotions have been heard and acknowledged, they become far more open to guidance. 

Explain the True Purpose of an Apology 

Help your older child to reframe their understanding of what an apology means. You can explain, “Saying sorry does not mean you are less important or that you have ‘lost’. It means you care about your brother’s feelings and you want to fix the bond between you.” This helps to present the apology as an act of strength and maturity, rather than one of defeat. 

Suggest Repair Through Action, Not Just Words 

If an older child is struggling to say the words, encourage them to choose a non-verbal alternative. This could be returning a toy, helping to rebuild a game that was knocked over, or simply sitting together for a moment. These small actions can soften hearts and often pave the way for a verbal apology later on. 

Model Gentle and Sincere Apologies 

When you apologise openly to your children for your own small slip-ups, they see that humility is a normal and respected part of family life, not something embarrassing. Over time, this powerful modelling will make them more comfortable with doing the same, even with a younger sibling. Guiding them with patience instead of pressure helps older children to move past their feelings of pride and gradually understand that an apology is about love, not hierarchy. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the virtues of humility and reconciliation are considered marks of spiritual maturity and strength. Teaching an older child to apologise gently to someone younger mirrors the prophetic way of encouraging hearts towards goodness without resorting to harshness or force. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 1: 

‘…So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty), and correct all matters (in the relationships) between yourselves…’ 

This verse reminds us that the act of mending relationships is a duty of our faith, and this responsibility applies to all believers, regardless of their age or position within the family. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also taught a balanced approach to family dynamics. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1919, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not have mercy on our young, nor knows the honour of our elders.’ 

This teaches us that the bonds of family are best protected when the older members treat the younger ones with mercy, and the younger ones show respect to those who are older. By explaining that apologising to a younger sibling is not a sign of weakness but is in fact a way to show mercy and kindness, you can help your older child to practise the humility that is so beloved to Allah Almighty. Over time, they will come to see that sincere reconciliation strengthens their own dignity and deepens the love between them and their siblings.