How to Guide a ‘Difficult’ Child Without Confirming Their Fears 

Parenting Perspective 

Separate Love From Discipline 

When a child expresses fear of being less loved, what they really need is reassurance that love is not conditional on behaviour. Even if your middle child requires more correction, the message must remain consistent: ‘I love you, and I guide you because I care about you.’ Separating love from discipline helps prevent them from internalising the idea that they are the ‘difficult one.’ 

Balance Correction With Recognition 

A practical approach is to balance correction with recognition. When you need to redirect behaviour, keep your words specific to the action, not the child’s identity. Instead of, ‘You are always causing problems,’ say, ‘I need you to use calmer words right now.’ Then look for opportunities to notice and praise when they do something positive, even if small. This reassures them that you are not only focused on mistakes. 

Create Pockets of Unconditional Attention 

It is also valuable to spend moments of one-to-one connection where discipline is not the focus. Even short, everyday interactions like sharing a meal, reading together, or listening to their ideas build a sense of being valued beyond their challenges. For a child who feels compared, these pockets of unconditional attention can ease the fear of being overlooked. 

Acknowledge Their Feeling First 

When your child accuses you of loving their sibling more, avoid immediate denial alone. Acknowledge their feeling first: ‘It sounds like you feel left out.’ Then gently explain, ‘I love all of you, but sometimes I need to guide you differently because your needs are different.’ This frames discipline as care, not rejection, and reinforces that love is equal even when the approach is not identical. 

Their Struggles Do Not Define Their Worth 

Over time, your consistency in pairing guidance with affection and fairness will teach them that their struggles do not define their worth in your eyes. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Giving Each Person Their Due 

Islam teaches that children are a trust from Allah, and parents are commanded to treat them with justice. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked) to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’  

This Verse reminds us that justice is not about sameness but about giving each person their due. For children, this means providing guidance in the way that best suits their character, while ensuring that love and care remain constant. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith places justice as a spiritual responsibility in parenting. Justice includes protecting a child from feeling unloved or lesser, even when they require more discipline. A parent must correct behaviour firmly but always with compassion, so the child sees discipline as mercy, not rejection. 

By anchoring your discipline in fairness and surrounding it with clear expressions of love, you help your middle child understand that they are not the ‘difficult one,’ but a valued soul with unique needs. In this way, they will grow to see guidance as a sign of care and your love as unwavering.