How to Find Clarity When Deen and Culture Clash 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural to feel conflicted when your upbringing and your faith’s guidance seem to pull you in different directions. Many parents experience this tension, especially when culture carries long-standing habits that are often mistaken for religious duty. The first step is to slow down and separate what belongs to your cultural background and what belongs to your responsibility as a Muslim father. 

You can begin by asking: does this practice or expectation promote justice, compassion, and balance in my family? If it does, it may align with your faith even if it comes from culture. But if it causes distance, unfairness, or suppression, then it is important to recognise that it might not be Islamically sound. For example, some cultures encourage fathers to be emotionally distant, believing this builds strength. Yet children need tenderness from both parents and neglecting that can leave them feeling unsupported. 

Focus on the Essentials 

A father seeking clarity should focus on the essentials: being emotionally present, setting fair boundaries, and modelling respect. One way to reduce the tension is to openly discuss with your spouse what feels cultural versus what is rooted in Islam and then agree together on what to carry forward into your family. This ensures you create a home where children are not confused by double standards. 

When you lean into what the Deen prescribes, you will find that Islam does not strip you of cultural identity but refines it by filtering out harmful parts and keeping what aligns with justice and mercy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), verse 185: 

‘…Allah (Almighty) desires for you facilitation (of ease), and does not wish for you hardship...’ 

This Verse reminds us that Deen is meant to bring balance and clarity, not confusion or burden. When culture makes you feel trapped or pressured, remember that Allah Almighty has given you a path designed to bring ease, fairness, and mercy into your role as a father. 

The Prophetic Model: Striving for Excellence 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed Allah has enjoined excellence in everything.’ 

[Sahih Muslim, 34:84] 

This hadith shows that whether in worship, in work, or in fatherhood, striving for excellence is the standard. Excellence in parenting means rising above cultural habits that diminish connection and instead embodying the justice and mercy of Islam. 

Clarity comes when you choose Deen as your compass. By doing so, you can honour your roots without being held captive by them, and you can show your children a model of fatherhood that is both strong and gentle, rooted in the noble Quran and the Sunnah of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. This enables your child to learn through practical examples in religion.