How to Explain That Tests Are a Mercy, Not a Punishment 

Parenting Perspective 

Validate Their Feelings First 

When a child compares her life to that of her peers, it can feel deeply unfair to her. As a parent, you are not only addressing her questions but also her emotions of sadness and confusion. The first step is to validate how she feels rather than rushing into explanation. You might say, ‘I understand it feels difficult when you see your friends having what looks like an easier life.’ This acknowledgement reassures her that her feelings are not dismissed. 

Shift the Focus Gently 

Once she feels heard, you can shift the focus gently. Explain that everyone’s life looks different on the outside, but everyone faces challenges, even if they are hidden. Share that Allah gives each family and each child exactly the circumstances that will help them grow, and that does not mean He loves one person more than another. This helps your child understand that her situation is not a punishment, but a different path of learning and strength. 

Find Small Daily Victories 

On a practical level, help her find small daily victories that show resilience. For example, highlight when she shows kindness despite feeling upset, or when she manages to be patient in a situation. This builds her confidence and connects her struggles with growth rather than with deprivation. Over time, she will learn to see difficulty as an opportunity to gain closeness to Allah and inner strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

Trials Are Signs of Allah’s Care 

Islam teaches us that trials are not signs of Allah’s rejection, but of His care for our spiritual growth. 

Tests Are Part of Faith Itself 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verses 2–3: 

‘Does mankind make the assumption that by saying “We have believed”, they will be discharged (from any responsibility); and they will not face any tribulations? And indeed, We (Allah Almighty) have (sent) tribulations to those (nations that existed) before them; so that Allah (Almighty) may clearly depict those people that have been truthful; and expose those people that have fabricated (their beliefs).’  

This reminds us that tests are part of faith itself, not a sign of Allah’s displeasure. They allow a believer to show sincerity and to grow in reliance upon Allah. 

When Allah Loves a Servant, He Tests Him 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 36, Hadith 106, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When Allah loves a servant, He tests him.’  

This hadith directly shows that trials are a form of mercy, not punishment. They are opportunities for elevation, forgiveness, and closeness to Allah. 

When you explain this to your daughter, frame it as Allah entrusting her with strength, not burdening her unfairly. By validating her feelings, teaching her that everyone has unseen tests, and showing her that Allah’s love is present even in hardship, you help her carry her struggles with faith instead of fear. This will nurture both her resilience and her trust in Allah’s mercy.