How to Explain Fairness When Your Youngest Cries ‘It’s Not Fair’ 

Parenting Perspective 

Widen Their Understanding of Fairness 

It is natural for a younger child to see privileges given to older siblings and feel as though love is unevenly distributed. At that age, fairness is usually understood as ‘sameness,’ so when they see something different, they assume it means less affection or value. Your role is to widen their understanding of fairness while still making them feel secure in your love. 

Explain Privileges in Terms of Responsibility 

One approach is to explain privileges in terms of responsibility. For example, you might say, ‘Your sister gets to stay up later because she has more homework, but you will also have that chance when you are older.’ This frames differences as linked to growth and responsibility, not preference. The key is consistency: if you apply the same principle as each child grows, they will see that the pattern is fair over time. 

Balance Privileges With Unique Opportunities 

At the same time, it helps to balance privileges with unique opportunities for the younger child. Even if they cannot yet do everything their siblings do, you can give them responsibilities or small choices that feel meaningful, such as helping set the table or choosing the bedtime story. This communicates that while privileges may look different, everyone has an important role in the family. 

Validate Their Feelings First 

When your youngest cries, it is important to validate their feelings before explaining them. You might say, ‘I know it feels unfair right now. You really want the same as your brother.’ Then, after that emotional acknowledgement, you explain the difference in a calm and steady way. Children absorb lessons best when they feel heard first. 

Ensure Love Is Not Tied to Privileges 

Lastly, ensure that your language of love is not tied to privileges. Hugging, quality time, and warmth should be consistent for all children, so that no matter the difference in rules, each one feels cherished in their own right. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Giving Each Their Due 

Islam teaches us that fairness is essential, but fairness does not always mean identical treatment.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An-Nahl (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’  

This Verse highlights that justice involves giving what is right and appropriate, not simply the same. In parenting, this means considering the needs and circumstances of each child. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith reminds us that justice is an act of worship and accountability. Being just may require explaining to a younger child that fairness is not sameness, but ensuring that each child feels valued, loved, and treated with integrity according to their stage of life. 

By combining reassurance, explanation, and consistency, you can show your youngest that fairness is about timing and readiness, not favouritism. This helps them feel secure that their turn will come, and that in your eyes, each child is equally loved and valued.