How to Explain Fairness When You Can’t Buy Two of Everything 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness Is Not Identical Treatment 

It is very common for younger children to view fairness as identical treatment. At their age, they often struggle to understand that each sibling has different needs. While you know you are responding to the reality of one child’s growth, your younger child only sees a moment where their sibling is receiving something, and they are not. This is why reassurance and explanation are so important. 

Validate Their Feelings First 

One helpful approach is to validate the feelings first, before explaining. You might say, ‘I know you feel sad that your sister has new clothes and you do not right now. I understand it feels unfair.’ When a child feels heard, they are more open to accepting your explanation. After validating, explain gently and simply: ‘Your sister needed new clothes because hers do not fit anymore. When you need new clothes, we will get you some too.’ Over time, children begin to realise that fairness means giving each what they need, not always the same thing at the same time. 

Involve Them in the Process 

It can also help to involve your younger child in the process, even in a small way. Allow them to choose a colour of socks or let them be part of handing the bag to their sibling. This turns the moment from a comparison into a shared family activity. At the same time, you can create small opportunities to give them attention in other ways, so they feel noticed even when they are not the one receiving something new. 

Teach the Deeper Meaning of Fairness 

By explaining clearly, involving them where possible, and reassuring them consistently, you help your younger child feel secure in your love while also teaching them the deeper meaning of fairness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is About Balance and Goodness, Not Sameness 

Islam teaches us that justice does not always mean identical outcomes but rather giving each person their due. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’  

This Verse highlights that justice is about balance and goodness, not sameness. A parent can use this teaching to explain to children that fairness means meeting each person’s needs in the way that is right for them. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This hadith is a guiding principle for parents. Being just does not mean buying two of everything every time but rather ensuring that each child feels cared for and receives what they need at the right time. Parents can remind themselves that fairness in Islam is about intention and balance, not identical gifts. 

When you approach the situation with reassurance, validation, and clear explanation, you model fairness both emotionally and Islamically. In this way, your children gradually learn that your love is not measured by identical things, but by consistent care rooted in justice.