How to Explain Age-Appropriate Privileges Are not Favouritism 

Parenting Perspective 

Reassure Them of Your Love and Fairness 

It is very common for younger children to feel overlooked when they see their older siblings enjoying privileges such as staying up later, having more responsibilities, or being trusted with tasks. To a younger child, this can look like unfairness or favouritism, even though it is based on maturity and age. Your role is to help them understand the difference in a way that reassures them of your love and fairness. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings First 

Start by acknowledging their feelings rather than dismissing them. You might say, ‘I understand it feels unfair when your siblings do something that you cannot yet.’ This shows them that their emotions are valid. Once they feel heard, you can gently explain that privileges are linked to readiness. For example, ‘Your brother is older, so he is able to stay up later, but when you are his age, you will also have the same opportunity.’ 

Point Out the Benefits of Being Younger 

It helps to also point out the benefits of being younger. Show them that they too have certain freedoms, such as less responsibility for chores or more playtime, which older siblings do not have. This balances their view of privileges so that they see advantages at every stage of growing up. 

Consistency Is Key 

Consistency is key. If you are clear about which privileges are linked to age or maturity and apply these rules equally across siblings as they grow, your youngest will gradually come to see the fairness. It also reassures the older siblings that their privileges are earned, not random. 

Make Time That Is Not About Privileges 

Lastly, make time for your youngest in ways that are not about privileges. When you invest in quality moments with them, they feel noticed and valued, which lessens the sting of waiting for certain freedoms. 

Spiritual Insight 

Handle Trusts According to Ability 

Islam teaches us that fairness is essential, but fairness does not always mean identical treatment.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Anfaal (8), Verse 27: 

‘O you who are believers, do not ever be pretentious (in following the commandment) of Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ); and do not misappropriate what has been entrusted upon you, whilst you know (the consequences of such actions).’  

This Verse reminds us that responsibilities and trusts must be handled according to ability. Parents must entrust children with what is suitable for their stage of growth, not beyond it. In practice, this means that giving older children certain freedoms is not a betrayal of fairness, but an acknowledgement of their greater capacity. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here means ensuring that when each child reaches the same stage, they are treated with the same consideration. Your youngest may not yet have the same freedoms, but when their time comes, they should receive them just as their siblings did. 

By combining reassurance, explanation, and consistency, you can show your youngest that fairness is about timing and readiness, not favouritism. This helps them feel secure that their turn will come, and that in your eyes, each child is equally loved and valued.