How to Encourage One Child Without Triggering Jealousy 

Parenting Perspective 

Clinginess Is a Search for Security 

It is very normal for children to feel sensitive when a sibling is praised, especially if they are already looking for reassurance of their own worth. A child who becomes clingy in these moments is really asking, ‘Do you see me too?’ This is not selfishness; it is a natural desire for security and recognition. 

Separate Praise From Comparison 

One way to help is to separate praise from comparison. Instead of saying, ‘Look how well your sister did compared to you,’ focus on naming the specific effort or quality you are acknowledging: ‘I liked the way she kept trying even when it was hard.’ This teaches that your praise is about behaviour, not competition. 

Notice Each Child Uniquely 

Equally, make it a habit to notice each child in ways that are unique to them. This does not mean praising every child in the same way each time but creating balance across the week so that no child feels overlooked. Even a moment where you privately say, ‘I noticed how patient you were today,’ can reassure a child that they are valued individually. 

Respond With Warmth, Not Frustration 

When your clingy child seeks closeness after a sibling is praised, respond with warmth rather than frustration. A gentle hug, or a simple ‘I see you too,’ can settle their heart without taking away from the sibling who is being celebrated. Over time, they will learn that recognition is not a scarce resource and that your love covers them all. 

Spiritual Insight 

Fear Allah and Be Just Between Your Children 

Islam teaches us that every child deserves justice and fairness. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just between your children.’  

Justice here includes love, attention, and encouragement. Each child is a unique trust, and it is a parent’s responsibility to nurture them without allowing comparison to breed jealousy. 

Everyone Has Unique Strengths 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 71: 

‘And Allah (Almighty) has preferred some a few over others in the provisions (of this world); but those people who have been preferred (in this way), do not share their provisions, even with those people that they are legally bound to (provide for), in case (it was deemed) that they had become equal to them; then is it the benefactions of Allah (Almighty) that they discard?’  

This Verse reminds us that Allah distributes gifts differently, and it is part of wisdom to recognise these differences without resentment. 

By applying this in the home, you can teach your children that each of them has unique strengths granted by Allah. When you celebrate those strengths with fairness, and reassure them of your unconditional love, you plant the seeds of confidence and contentment. This allows them to grow without rivalry and to appreciate both their own blessings and those of their siblings.