How to Discipline Without Making It Seem Like ‘Attention’ 

Parenting Perspective 

Discipline Can Be Mistaken for Attention 

It is common for children to interpret discipline as a form of attention, especially when it seems that the child in trouble gets more of your time and energy. As a parent, you are trying to guide one child while the others may quietly wonder if negative behaviour is a way to gain focus. 

Separate Correction From Attention 

One helpful approach is to separate correction from attention. Discipline should be clear, calm, and focused on the behaviour, not the child’s worth. Keep it brief and consistent, without extended lectures or strong displays of anger. Once the misbehaviour has been addressed, quickly move on to a neutral or positive interaction with all the children, so the atmosphere does not linger on negativity. 

Give Deliberate Attention to Good Behaviour 

At the same time, give deliberate attention to good behaviour. If another child is waiting patiently, helping without being asked, or speaking kindly, acknowledge that with warmth and presence. This teaches your children that positive behaviour also earns your attention, and not only missteps. 

Discuss Fairness and Boundaries as a Family 

You can also involve the family in discussions about fairness and boundaries, so children understand that correction is a form of care. Remind them that you guide each child according to their needs, and that every one of them receives both discipline when necessary and love always. By pairing correction with consistent affection and recognition for good choices, you prevent discipline from being mistaken as favouritism. 

Spiritual Insight 

Discipline Is Nurturing, Not Humiliation 

Discipline in Islam is never about humiliation but about nurturing fairness and character. 

Correction Is an Act of Care 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahreem (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who are believers, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire (of Jahannam) whose fuel is people and stones...’ 

This Verse reminds parents that guiding children, even though discipline, is part of safeguarding them spiritually and morally. Correction is therefore an act of care, not exclusion. 

Guide Each Child With Justice 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 33, Hadith 24, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock.’  

The Hadith teaches that parents carry responsibility for guiding each child under their care with justice. Discipline, when done calmly and fairly, fulfils this trust without diminishing love or favouring one child over another. 

By keeping discipline measured and pairing it with attention to positive behaviour, you show your children that guidance and love are not in competition. Over time, they will see that your correction is part of your responsibility as their parent, and that each of them is equally valued in your eyes and in your heart.