How to Correct Behaviour Without Creating Rivalry 

Parenting Perspective 

Comparison Creates Resentment, Not Motivation 

It is understandable that in moments of frustration, a parent may point out one child’s better behaviour to encourage another. However, even well-meaning comparisons can harm the emotional bond between siblings. A child who hears, ‘Look how your brother listens,’ may not feel inspired; they may feel dismissed, unloved, or judged. Over time, this creates resentment, not motivation. 

Children Are Deeply Sensitive to Fairness 

Children are deeply sensitive to fairness. When one child is praised at the expense of another, the child being corrected often internalises a painful message: ‘I am less than,’ or ‘I am not enough.’ Sibling rivalry is often fuelled not by competition, but by perceived favouritism or a sense of being constantly compared. 

Focus on the Child in Front of You 

The solution lies in correcting behaviour without referencing another child. Focus on the child in front of you. Speak directly to them about their own choices, needs, and capabilities. For example, instead of saying, ‘Your sister always finishes her homework,’ you might say, ‘I know you can focus and finish this, what can help you do that now?’ This keeps the moment anchored in the child’s growth, not someone else’s success. 

Connect Individually and Praise Thoughtfully 

Equally important is creating time to connect with each child individually. When each child feels seen and valued for who they are, not in comparison to a sibling, they are more likely to receive correction without feeling threatened. Praise should also be given thoughtfully. Instead of saying, ‘You are the good one,’ praise specific efforts, like, ‘I saw how patiently you waited, that showed a lot of maturity.’ 

Parent With Fairness and Equity 

Parenting with fairness does not mean treating children identically, but equitably, according to their needs, temperaments, and circumstances. This builds trust, and trust is what allows discipline to be received with dignity rather than defensiveness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Within the Family Is a Responsibility 

Islamically, justice within the family is not optional; it is a responsibility. Children have the right to be treated fairly, not only in material things but also in emotional and relational matters. 

Justice and Good Conduct Begin at Home 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty...’  

This Verse reminds us that justice begins at home. A parent who disciplines fairly and avoids unjust comparison is fulfilling this divine command in the most personal sphere. 

Fear Allah and Be Just Between Your Children 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 1, Hadith 45, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just between your children.’  

This Hadith was revealed in a context where a father had shown preference to one child over others. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ corrected this firmly, teaching that justice must be upheld even in small matters of affection or gifts. Applying this principle to discipline means avoiding words or actions that elevate one child by lowering another. Justice in parenting is not only about avoiding harm, but also about maintaining harmony and respect between siblings. 

By correcting each child individually, avoiding comparisons, and nurturing each child’s dignity, you protect their bond and fulfil your role as a just parent. Discipline can then become a tool for growth, not a source of rivalry.