How to Challenge the ‘You’re Better at It’ Mindset 

Parenting Perspective 

The Burden of Being the ‘Default Organiser’ 

It is very common for one parent to become the default organiser simply because they seem more efficient at it. However, being ‘better at remembering’ does not mean that responsibility should sit solely with you. This mindset often leaves mothers carrying an invisible burden that is heavier than the physical work itself. The key is to shift the dynamic without allowing the conversation to become a cycle of blame or defensiveness. 

Frame the Issue as Shared Responsibility 

Start with framing the issue as shared responsibility rather than personal criticism. Instead of saying, ‘I am tired of doing everything,’ you might say, ‘I would like us to both take ownership of planning so our children see us working as a team.’ This moves the focus from your exhaustion to the family’s long-term benefit. 

Take Practical Steps to Divide Ownership 

Practical steps help reduce conflict by making responsibilities easier to visualise for both partners. For example, you could divide areas of responsibility so that your husband fully owns certain tasks from start to finish, such as medical appointments or school communications. This way, he is not ‘helping you with your work’ but fulfilling his own role. Shared tools like a family calendar or reminder app can also make the load visible, which prevents you from becoming the constant ‘reminder system.’ 

The Goal Is Balance, Not Perfection 

The goal is not to prove who is better at planning but to create balance. Children observing both parents taking initiative learn that family life is built on cooperation, not one person’s mental sacrifice. When you approach the conversation calmly, showing that you seek partnership rather than confrontation, you increase the chance of genuine change. 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting as a Shared Islamic Duty 

Islam highly values the roles of both the mother and father in parenting. Both are honoured for fulfilling the duties towards their children. 

Men and Women as Allies in Righteousness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 71: 

‘And the believing men and the believing women, some of them are role models for each other; where they encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and forbid (the doing of) negative (immoral actions); and they establish their prayer and make the benevolent donations – ‘Zakah’, and they (sincerely) obey (the commandments) of Allah (Almighty) and His Messenger (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ)….’  

This Verse reminds us that men and women are meant to support each other as partners in righteousness. Household planning and child-rearing fall under that shared responsibility. It is not a favour from one parent to the other, but part of fulfilling trust before Allah. 

The Prophetic Model of Shared Responsibility 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih, Book 13, Hadith 170, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.’ 

The holy Prophet ﷺ modelled active involvement and responsibility in family life. He did not delegate care and planning to others simply because they were more capable but instead carried his share with compassion. 

By gently reminding your husband that shared responsibility is both a family necessity and a spiritual duty, you can challenge the mindset without hostility. This way, you protect your energy, model fairness for your children, and align your marriage with the balance Islam encourages.