How to Build Emotional Presence Without a Reference Point 

Parenting Perspective 

It can feel unsettling to parent without a model to lean on, especially when you are trying to give your children something you did not experience yourself. The important truth here is that emotional presence does not need to be perfect or scripted. It is built through small, consistent acts that let your child know you are available, interested, and invested in them. 

Emotional presence starts with attention. That means when your child speaks to you, you pause, look at them, and listen fully. Even if you do not have the ‘right words,’ your willingness to listen without distraction communicates value. You can also build connection through simple routines, such as checking in at bedtime, asking how their day was, or sharing a meal together without devices. 

Express Affection Authentically 

Another layer of emotional presence is expressing affection in ways that feel authentic to you. If words of praise feel uncomfortable at first, start with short affirmations like ‘I am proud of you’ or ‘I enjoy spending time with you.’ Over time, this will feel more natural. Physical gestures like a pat on the shoulder, a smile, or a warm handshake also carry meaning, especially for children who may sense your effort to connect. 

Finally, remember that being emotionally present does not mean having all the answers. It is about showing up with steadiness, even in uncertainty. By letting your child see you admit when you are unsure but still willing to be there with them, you model both humility and strength. This consistency, more than grand gestures, creates a secure sense of fatherhood for your child. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), verse 159: 

‘So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you….’ 

This Verse highlights that leadership, even for the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, was not built on authority alone but on mercy and gentleness. For a father, this is a direct reminder that emotional presence is not about control, but about kindness that draws children closer. 

The Prophetic Model: Affection is an Islamic Value 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ kissed his grandson Al-Hasan ibn Ali, and a man who was present remarked that he had never kissed his children. The holy Prophet ﷺ replied: 

‘Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.’ 

[Al Adab Al Mufrad,19:10] 

This teaches that emotional presence is not a cultural extra, but an Islamic value tied to mercy itself. 

Even if you did not receive such presence growing up, Islam gives you a clear reference point. By practising gentleness, offering affection, and showing consistent attention, you align yourself with the prophetic model of fatherhood. Over time, your children will not only recognise your presence but also carry it as their own reference point of what a caring Muslim father looks like.