How to Build Confidence in a Child Who Always Needs You to Watch 

Parenting Perspective 

The Act of Being Seen Is as Valuable as the Task 

When your son asks you to watch him repeatedly, he is not necessarily doubting his ability. More often, he is seeking connection and affirmation. For a child, the act of being seen is as valuable as the task itself. It reassures him that what matters to him matters to you. Recognising this is important, because it prevents you from interpreting his behaviour as neediness, and allows you to respond with warmth and balance. 

Shift From Constant Presence to Gradual Independence 

One way forward is to gradually shift from constant presence to gradual independence. At first, you can watch fully and acknowledge his effort with specific praise, such as, ‘I noticed how carefully you did that.’ Then, once he feels secure, you can suggest, ‘Why do you not show me once you finish, and then tell me how it went?’ This allows him to complete the task without you hovering but still reassures him that his achievement will be noticed. 

Use ‘Shared Attention’ 

Another approach is to use short periods of ‘shared attention.’ For example, you can agree, ‘I will watch the first time, and then you can do it again when I finish this job, and afterwards you can tell me about it.’ This balances his need for reassurance with your need for space, while teaching him that your attention can be delayed but not denied. 

Avoid Frustration in Your Tone 

It is also important to avoid frustration in your tone. If you respond with irritation, he may cling even more tightly. Instead, reassure him that you value his efforts, while setting realistic boundaries about when and how long you can watch. Over time, this will help him internalise your approval and rely less on external validation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance Is Effective When Delivered With Connection 

Islam places emphasis on nurturing a child’s heart through attention, gentleness, and encouragement. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 13–14: 

‘And when (Prophet) Luqman (AS) said to his son, whilst he was offering him enlightened direction: “O my son, do not ascribe to anything (which amounts to  icon worshipping/paganism), instead of (worshipping) Allah (Almighty); indeed, this kind of icon worshipping/paganism is the worst form of darkness (of ignorance and immorality).” And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parent …’  

This illustrates not only guidance in faith, but also the tender and personal manner in which a parent imparts lessons. Luqman’s advice begins with affection and connection, showing that guidance becomes effective when delivered with attention to the child’s emotional state. 

Responding to a Child’s Needs Is an Act of Mercy 

It is recorded in Sunan an-Nasai, Book 10, Hadith 49, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ shortened the prayer upon hearing a child cry, explaining that he did not wish to cause difficulty for the mother. The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:  

‘I stand in prayer, then I hear a child crying, so I make my Prayer brief, because I do not want to cause hardship for his mother.’  

This hadith highlights that the holy Prophet ﷺ was deeply attentive to children’s emotional needs, even in the context of worship. His example shows us that responding to a child’s longing for reassurance is not indulgence but an act of mercy. 

By acknowledging your son’s efforts warmly, while gradually encouraging him to take steps on his own, you are aligning with the prophetic model of guiding children with both compassion and firmness. In doing so, you are teaching him that independence does not mean the absence of love, but rather the growth of trust between parent and child.