How to Break the Sibling Blame Cycle After a Family Change 

Parenting Perspective 

Blaming Can Be a Way of Expressing Stress 

When family circumstances shift, children often express their stress in ways that are less about logic and more about needing control. For your youngest, blaming her older brother may be a way of making sense of difficult emotions, while her brother may feel unfairly targeted and hurt. The cycle can easily create distance between them if not addressed gently. 

Separate Behaviour From Intention 

The first step is to separate behaviour from intention. Let your youngest know that you understand she is feeling unsettled, but that blaming is not a fair or helpful way to cope. This helps her feel heard without allowing the pattern to continue. At the same time, reassure her brother that you see his perspective and that you will not allow him to be treated unjustly. By giving both children space to voice their feelings, you show that each one matters equally. 

Shift From Accusation to Teamwork 

It can also help to introduce language that focuses on “we” rather than “you.” For example, when conflict arises, you might say, “It looks like we are finding this moment hard. Let us work out how to solve it together.” This shifts the dynamic from accusation to teamwork. Encouraging shared problem-solving builds a sense of family responsibility rather than division. 

Highlight Moments of Cooperation 

Finally, look for opportunities to highlight when they do get along, however small. Praising moments of cooperation, kindness, or patience reinforces that their bond is stronger than moments of tension. Over time, this helps both children replace blame with empathy and connection. 

Spiritual Insight 

Be Persistently Standing Firm in Justice 

Islam places great importance on justice and fairness in relationships, especially within families. By guiding your children away from blame and towards fairness, you are teaching them values that align with faith and strengthen their bond.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail, as that is very close to attaining piety; and attained piety from Allah (Almighty), indeed, Allah is All Cognisant of all your actions (in the worldly life).’  

This Verse reminds us that fairness must be upheld even when emotions are strong. Teaching siblings to treat each other justly, despite their frustrations, nurtures both righteousness and family harmony. 

Help Your Brother, Whether Oppressor or Oppressed 

It is also recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Book 46, Hadith 5, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or oppressed.’ The Companions asked how one could help an oppressor, and the holy Prophet ﷺ explained, ‘By stopping him from oppressing.’  

This shows that helping each other means guiding one another away from harmful behaviour, not fueling it. 

By applying this wisdom, you can frame fairness and accountability not as punishment, but as acts of mercy and protection between siblings. This will help both children feel respected, while learning that true closeness comes from justice, compassion, and shared support.