How to Become Emotionally Available to Your Children 

Parenting Perspective 

It is common in many families for children to naturally assign different roles to each parent. When you notice that your children turn to their mother for emotional concerns and to you for practical matters, it signals not a rejection but rather a pattern that has formed over time. The good news is that patterns can be reshaped with intentional, consistent effort. 

The first step is to signal to your children that you are open to hearing not only what they need but also how they feel. This begins with small shifts in your daily interactions. Instead of only asking, ‘Have you finished your homework?’ or ‘What time is your practice?’, also ask, ‘How did you feel about today?’ or ‘What was the best and hardest part of your day?’ These questions invite your children to connect with you beyond logistics. 

Listen with Patience and Empathy 

When they do share, your role is not to fix everything but to listen with patience and empathy. Show through body language, eye contact, and pauses that you are taking in their words. Even brief but consistent moments of attuned listening can change how your child perceives your emotional availability. 

You can also create small rituals of connection that are separate from logistics, such as a nightly check-in, a shared walk, or discussing something they enjoy. Over time, these moments build trust that you are not only present to organise their life but also to hold their emotions. 

Shifting this dynamic will take patience, as your children may initially default to old habits. What matters most is your consistency in showing that you are ready to receive not only their tasks but also their hearts. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), verse 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’ 

This Verse highlights the balance of gratitude and respect that children owe to both parents, which implies that both father and mother carry responsibility for nurturing, guiding, and emotionally supporting their children. 

The Prophetic Model: Embodying Gentleness 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all things.’ 

[Sunan Ibn Majah,33:33] 

Gentleness is not limited to discipline but extends to how a parent responds when a child is emotionally vulnerable. By embodying gentleness, a father reflects the Prophetic model and creates an atmosphere in which children feel safe to share their hearts. 

By moving beyond logistics and consistently showing gentle curiosity about your children’s emotions, you not only strengthen your bond with them but also fulfil your responsibility as a father who guides with both firmness and compassion. This shift, rooted in patience and sincerity, will help your children see you as emotionally present and trustworthy.