How to Be More Than Tired When Your Identity Feels Erased 

Parenting Perspective 

It is deeply human to feel the weight of a role that never pauses. When a parent says, ‘I feel erased,’ it is not a lack of love. It is the result of being poured out, again and again, with no space to refill. You are not alone in this tension; many loving parents live between the desire to be fully present and the quiet grief of having lost parts of themselves along the way. 

Start by acknowledging this: you are still here. If you can name this longing, you can reclaim it. A parent who wants to be remembered as more than tired is a parent already trying to show up with more than exhaustion, and that matters. 

The First Shift Begins Internally 

The first shift begins internally. Remind yourself that your child does not need a parent who hides their struggle behind a smile. They need one who models honesty, resilience, and the courage to gently choose joy again, on ordinary days, in imperfect moments. That might mean returning to something that once sparked delight, or using ten minutes a day to breathe as someone other than a parent. 

Invite Your Child into Small Moments of Lightness 

Practically, invite your child into small moments of lightness with you. Let them see you put on your favourite song, attempt something creative, or speak kindly to yourself when you are running low. These small acts do not need to be perfect; all they require is being original. Slowly, you rewrite what presence looks like—tired, yes, but still reaching for joy. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam does not demand that you erase yourself to be righteous. In fact, your identity, your joy, your emotions, and your inner life, is part of the trust you hold. 

A Reminder Not to Forget Your Share of the World 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Qasas (28), verses 76–77: 

‘And seek (to discover) from what Allah (Almighty) has bestowed upon you for the abode in the Hereafter; and do not forget your (true) functionality in this world; and show favour (onto others) as Allah (Almighty) has shown favour upon you….’ 

This is not a contradiction but it is a balance. You are invited to care for your soul in this world, not just to survive it. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Self Has a Right Over You 

It is recorded in Sunan Abi Dawud that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, your own self has a right over you.‘

[Sunan Abi Dawud, 5:120] 

Caring for your emotional and spiritual wellness is not indulgence; it is obedience. Parenting is not just about raising a child; it also means showing them what humanity is and what a whole person carries. That legacy is worth leaving.