How to Be Consistent Yet Tailored in Your Discipline 

Parenting Perspective 

Be Fair, Not Identical 

It is very common for parents to adjust their approach depending on each child’s personality. Some children respond better to gentle reminders, while others need firm boundaries. What matters is that your children see that you are being fair, even if your approach is not identical. 

Separate the Principle From the Method 

One way to manage this is to separate the principle from the method. The principle should remain the same for all children. For example, if a rule in the house is that homework must be completed before screen time, that rule should apply to every child. However, the method of encouraging compliance may differ. One child might need a checklist and reminders, while another may need clear consequences if the task is not done. 

Explain That Fairness Doesn’t Always Look Identical 

It is also helpful to explain openly to your children that fairness does not always look identical. Tell them that as a parent you are responsible for guiding each child according to their needs, just as a teacher might support different students in different ways while still holding everyone to the same expectations. When your children complain of injustice, acknowledge their feelings. You can say, ‘I hear that you feel it is unfair. Let me explain why I spoke differently to your sibling, and what the same rule means for you.’ This builds trust and teaches them that you are thoughtful, not biased. 

Consistency Is About Values, Not Identical Treatment 

Consistency does not mean treating every child in the same way but ensuring that each child knows family values and boundaries are constant. When children see that the end standard is the same, even if the journey looks different, they are more likely to feel secure and respected. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Wisdom in Applying Fairness 

Islam places a strong emphasis on justice, especially within families. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’ 

This Verse reminds us that justice is not only about equality but about wisdom in applying fairness. In parenting, justice means ensuring each child receives what they truly need, not always the exact same treatment. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith highlights that a parent must be conscious of Allah when making decisions about their children. If one child requires more leniency for their development, and another requires more firmness, applying that difference with sincerity and fairness is still justice. What must be avoided is favouritism based on preference rather than need. 

By grounding your decisions in both fairness and tailored care, you show your children that you are fulfilling your duty as a parent with balance. Over time, this helps them to see that your intention is not bias but responsibility, and that your guidance is rooted in both love and accountability before Allah.