How to Balance Roles When One Parent Is ‘Strict’ and One Is ‘Fun’ 

Parenting Perspective 

See Yourselves as Partners, Not Competitors 

It is very common in families for one parent to take on the role of being firmer with rules, while the other naturally gravitates towards being more playful or relaxed. While these differences can complement one another, the difficulty arises when children begin to see parents as being in competition, rather than partners. When this happens, it can undermine authority and create confusion for the child. 

Align on Shared Principles Privately 

To shift this dynamic, begin by having a private discussion with your spouse about how you both want to be perceived as a team. Agree on a set of boundaries and values that both of you will enforce consistently, regardless of personality differences. This way, children learn that the rules do not depend on who is present, but on shared family principles. 

Share Both the Lighter and Firmer Roles 

At the same time, explore how you can both share in the lighter and firmer roles. For example, if you often correct behaviour, balance it by also initiating playful moments or celebrating achievements. Similarly, encourage your spouse to sometimes hold the line on boundaries, so the children see that firmness is not only ‘your job.’ Over time, this reduces the pressure on you and creates a more balanced picture in the eyes of your children. 

Acknowledge Your Different Strengths Positively 

It is also helpful to acknowledge your different strengths openly with your children in a positive way. You might say, ‘Mum is better at remembering the routines, and Dad is better at making games,’ so they learn to value both approaches rather than set them against each other. 

Spiritual Insight 

Parenting Is a Shared Trust 

Islam teaches that parenting is a shared trust and a joint responsibility. Children should see their parents as aligned in guiding them, not as two opposing figures. Balance is at the heart of Islamic teaching. 

Justice and Balance Are Defining Qualities 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al-Baqarah (2), Verse 143: 

‘…So that you may become corroborators (over the actions) of mankind, and the Prophets can become corroborators over you…’  

This Verse reminds us that justice and balance are defining qualities of the Muslim identity. Parents are included in this responsibility, as they model justice and balance within the home. 

Both Parents Are Accountable Shepherds 

It is also recorded in Sahih Muslim, Book 33, Hadith 24, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be asked about his flock.’  

This hadith emphasises that both parents are accountable for their shared flock. It is not the responsibility of one alone to correct while the other only entertains; rather, both firmness and gentleness are tools to be used wisely and consistently by each parent. 

By aligning yourselves as a team and drawing on both firmness and fun, you reflect the balanced way Islam guides us to lead. Your children will then experience parenting not as a tug-of-war, but as a united expression of love, fairness, and mercy.