How to Balance Chores Without Your Eldest Feeling Burdened 

Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Their Feelings Clearly 

It is understandable that your eldest son feels burdened if he notices himself doing more chores while the younger siblings enjoy more leisure. Children are highly sensitive to fairness, and while they may recognise the logic of age-based responsibility, they still need reassurance that their extra efforts do not mean they are valued only for what they contribute. 

Frame Tasks as a Sign of Trust 

You can begin by acknowledging his feelings clearly. When he expresses that it feels unfair, let him know you understand: ‘I can see why this feels heavy for you.’ Validation helps him feel heard rather than dismissed. After that, explain that responsibilities are given with trust, not as punishment. Frame his tasks as a sign of your confidence in him, while also promising that responsibilities will grow gradually for his younger siblings too. 

Balance Responsibility With Privileges 

Balance is key in several areas. While he may have more chores, it is important that he also receives privileges that match his age, such as more say in decisions or extra freedoms suitable for his maturity. This shows that with responsibility also comes respect. Additionally, try to carve out moments where his efforts are celebrated, perhaps through a family thank you or a small gesture of appreciation. 

Separate Duty From Affection 

Finally, ensure that chores are not the only space where you engage him. Spend quality time with him that is not linked to responsibility, so that he experiences himself as loved for who he is, not only for what he does. This balance between duty and affection will help him carry responsibility with dignity rather than resentment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Differences in Responsibility Are Part of Allah’s Wisdom 

Islam places great value on fairness within families, while also recognising that roles differ according to ability and stage of life. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al An’aam (6), Verse 165: 

‘And He (Allah Almighty) is the One Who designated you as the successors of the Earth; and He (Allah Almighty) elevated (the responsibilities) of some of you over others, according to your station (in life), so that He (Allah Almighty) May test you with what He has bestowed upon you...’  

This reminds us that differences in responsibility are part of Allah’s wisdom, and each person is tested in different ways. For children, this can be explained as each sibling having a role suited to their current stage, with Allah observing how they handle it. 

Fear Allah and Be Just With Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhri (Hadith 2587) that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

Justice here means being mindful of their hearts. If one child is given more duties, balance it with appreciation, affection, and fairness in other areas so that love is never felt to be unequal. 

By combining clarity, appreciation, and spiritual framing, you can teach your eldest that responsibility is a mark of trust, while ensuring he feels equally cherished in your love and attention.