How to Balance Attention When One Child Needs More 

Parenting Perspective 

They Are Asking for Reassurance 

It is very common for children to compete for a parent’s attention, especially when one child requires extra support in a particular area. What your children are really asking for is reassurance that your love for them is secure, even if the distribution of your time looks different. 

Explain That Fairness Means Meeting Needs 

The first step is to make your children feel that your love is not divided but multiplied. Explain gently that while one child may need more help with studies or emotions right now, it does not mean you value them more. Children often understand fairness better when it is explained as ‘giving each what they need,’ rather than ‘giving everyone the same.’ 

Create Intentional One-on-One Moments 

Create intentional one-on-one moments, even short ones, with each child. It could be as simple as reading a book with one while the other plays or asking about their day in a way that shows you are fully present. Small but consistent pockets of undivided attention can be more powerful than longer stretches that are inconsistent. 

Be Transparent About the Imbalance 

When the child who needs more support takes more of your time, acknowledge it openly with the other. For example, you could say, ‘I know I am spending extra time helping your brother with his schoolwork, but tomorrow I would love to play that game you like.’ This transparency prevents the silent build-up of resentment. 

Turn Jealousy Into Shared Purpose 

At the same time, try to involve siblings in supporting each other in age-appropriate ways. Allowing one to encourage, assist, or simply sit alongside their sibling in tasks helps turn potential jealousy into shared purpose. Over time, this builds a culture where support is something siblings give each other, not just something received from parents. 

Spiritual Insight 

Justice Is Not Treating Everyone Identically 

Islam emphasises both justice and mercy in relationships, especially within families.  

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah An-Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice…’  

This Verse reminds us that justice is not about treating everyone identically, but about meeting each person’s rights and needs fairly. In the context of parenting, this means giving each child what will nurture them best, even if it looks different from what their siblings receive. 

Fear Allah and Be Just with Your Children 

It is recorded in Sahih Al Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’  

This Hadith shows the weight of fairness in parenting. Being just includes offering affection, attention, and support in a way that preserves each child’s dignity and security, even when one needs more from you at a given time. 

By framing fairness as giving each child what helps them grow, and by showing consistent love through words and presence, you can reassure your children that your time may be shared differently, but your love and value for each of them remain equal in the sight of Allah.