Parenting Perspective 

When siblings are in conflict, it can be tempting for a parent to demand quick apologies simply to restore a sense of peace. However, forcing a child to say ‘sorry’ often leads to shallow, resentful words that do nothing to genuinely repair the relationship. The goal is to guide them towards genuine reconciliation, where they can begin to understand each other’s feelings and learn how to restore trust. 

Pause Before Demanding an Apology 

Instead of rushing in with an immediate demand to “Say sorry now,” it is wise to give your children a moment to calm down. When emotions are running high, any forced apology will almost certainly be insincere. A short cooling-off period allows them to think more clearly and be more receptive to the idea of repairing the situation. 

Encourage Reflection on Each Other’s Feelings 

Gently guide each child to express how the conflict made them feel. You could ask one, “Can you tell your brother how you felt when he grabbed your toy?” Then, turn to the other and ask, “How do you think your sister felt in that moment?” This important step connects apology to empathy, shifting the focus from a rule-based obligation to a matter of care. 

Teach Alternatives to Empty Words 

Encourage your children to pair their apologies with meaningful actions. This could involve returning a toy that was taken, helping to tidy up a mess that was made, or offering another kind gesture. This practice helps them to understand that a sincere apology is both practical and meaningful. 

Model Sincere Relationship Repair 

Show your children through your own behaviour that an apology is not about avoiding trouble, but about the sincere desire to fix relationships. For example, if you are distracted while they are talking, you could say, “I am so sorry, I was not listening properly. Let us sit down and talk again now.” Children are powerful observers and will copy the sincerity they see in you. 

By slowing down the process, encouraging empathy, and pairing apologies with restorative actions, you can shift the focus of sibling conflicts away from empty words and towards genuine healing and reconciliation. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense value on sincerity (ikhlas) in all of our actions, including apologies. Forced or hollow words carry very little weight in the sight of Allah, whereas a genuine act of reconciliation is a noble deed that is deeply beloved to Him. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse reminds us that the act of sincerely repairing our relationships is an act of faith and a direct pathway to receiving the mercy of Allah Almighty. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ also commanded believers to maintain unity. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4910, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not hate one another, do not be jealous of one another, and do not turn your back on one another, and be servants of Allah as brothers.’ 

This teaches us that kindness and unity should be the default state for believers, and that any reconciliation must be heartfelt and genuine, not forced or superficial. By teaching your children that an apology is about mending the bonds of love between them rather than simply escaping punishment, you are instilling the Islamic values of honesty and empathy. They learn from this that Allah Almighty values truthfulness far more than empty words, and that repairing ties with sincerity strengthens both their family’s love and their own faith.