How to Align When You Disagree on Teaching Salah 

Parenting Perspective 

Both Instincts Come From Care 

It is very common for children to notice the different tones or approaches parents use when teaching them about Salah. On one side, firmness may come from a parent’s deep concern for fulfilling obligations. On the other hand, gentleness may stem from wanting children to build a loving connection with Allah. Both instincts come from care, but when presented inconsistently, children may feel confused or see their parents as divided. 

Align on Your Shared Goal 

To address this, begin with a private conversation with your spouse about your shared long-term goal: raising children who see salah not only as a duty but also as a source of peace. Agree that you both want them to pray with sincerity, not just compliance. Once this is clear, discuss how to balance your styles so the children hear one united voice. For example, you might agree that salah is non-negotiable, but the way reminders are given should combine firmness with warmth. That way, children do not view salah as optional but also do not associate it only with pressure. 

Decide Who Takes the Lead 

It can also help to decide in advance who will take the lead in certain situations. If one parent has already given an instruction about prayer, the other can support that message instead of adjusting it. This reinforces consistency and avoids mixed signals. You might also consider using family discussions to explain why prayer matters, rather than only reminding in the moment. This allows both firmness and gentleness to be expressed together in a calm setting. 

Model How Firmness and Compassion Can Coexist 

Children learn as much from how parents work together as from the words themselves. By showing that both firmness and compassion can coexist, you model what it means to uphold values with balance. 

Spiritual Insight 

Balance Firmness with Kindness 

Islam encourages both consistency in worship and gentleness in guiding others. Firmness ensures that salah is not neglected, while kindness nurtures love for the act. Both qualities were present in the example of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ. 

Enjoin Prayer and Be Steadfast 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ta-Ha (20), Verse 132: 

‘And command your family to prayer and be steadfast therein. We (Allah Almighty) do not ask you for any provisions, it is We Who provide for you; and the best outcome is for those who have attained piety.’ 

This Verse highlights two points: the duty of parents to instruct their family in prayer, and the need for steadfastness, which includes patience and persistence. It shows that guidance must be consistent but also calm. 

Make Things Easy, Do Not Make Them Difficult 

It is recorded in Sahih Al-Bukhari, Book 78, Hadith 152, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make them difficult. Give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’  

This hadith reminds us that the approach matters as much as the instruction itself. Encouragement and gentleness open hearts, while harshness can close them. 

By blending firmness with compassion and presenting salah as both an obligation and a blessing, you and your spouse can offer your children the consistency they need. This united approach will not only strengthen their prayer habits but also their trust in both of you as guides in faith.