How to Address Defensiveness When a Child is Corrected at School 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often become defensive when they are corrected at school because they feel embarrassed in front of their peers or believe they have been treated unfairly. This defensiveness is usually a way to protect their self-esteem, rather than an act of defiance. As a parent, you can help by listening carefully to their version of events, validating their feelings, and then guiding them on how to handle correction with maturity. 

Listen Without Immediate Judgement 

When your child comes home upset, give them the space to explain what happened. You can respond by saying, “I understand that felt difficult for you. Tell me what happened.” This approach prevents them from shutting down and reassures them that you are on their side. 

Reframe Correction as Growth 

Explain that correction from teachers is not an attack but an opportunity to improve. You can say, “Everyone makes mistakes, and learning from them is a part of growing stronger.” This helps to reduce the sting of being corrected publicly and teaches them a more positive outlook. 

Coach Respectful Responses 

Practise polite replies with your child, such as, ‘Okay, I will try again,’ or ‘Thank you, I will work on it.’ By rehearsing calm and respectful responses, they are less likely to react defensively in the moment and will be better prepared to handle future situations. 

By addressing defensiveness with empathy and practical coaching, you can turn school corrections into valuable opportunities for growth, resilience, and emotional maturity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings encourage believers to embrace humility and patience, especially in the face of correction. These qualities are considered a sign of a strong and mature character. 

Guidance from the noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verse 69: 

‘And those people that endeavour (to please) Us (Allah Almighty); so, We (Allah Almighty) shall indeed, guide them (to those pathways) that lead to Us; and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is with those who are benevolent (in their actions).’ 

This verse reminds us that our efforts to be humble and accept correction will lead to guidance and support from Allah Almighty. It is through our struggles that we find our path. 

Teachings of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5644, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is like a tender plant. From whichever direction the wind comes, it bends, but when it becomes still, it becomes straight again.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that flexibility, humility, and a willingness to accept correction are not weaknesses but are, in fact, an essential part of a believer’s strength. 

By helping your child handle correction at school without defensiveness, you are instilling in them the Islamic values of humility and patience. They will learn that their mistakes do not define them. Instead, they can be used to refine their character and make them stronger both academically and spiritually.