How to Accept Your Child’s Emotions Without Silencing Your Own 

Parenting Perspective 

This is a question of both deep self-awareness and deep mercy. Many parents do not realise they are reacting to their child’s emotions through the lens of their own unspoken past. You, however, have named it. That is not only courageous, but also a powerful first step in rewriting your story, and your child’s. 

If you were punished, ignored, or shamed for expressing sadness, anger, or need as a child, then those emotions may now feel unsafe to witness in others. When your child cries or yells, your body may misread it as a threat rather than a call for connection. Reacting from that place might look like shutting them down, snapping at them, or withdrawing altogether, not because you lack love, but because your nervous system never learned to stay present through big feelings. 

Building a Bridge Between Honesty and Safety 

To shift this, you need to start building a bridge between emotional honesty and safety. When your child is upset, remind yourself: ‘This is not a failure. This is a moment for connection.’ You can also pause and ask yourself what you would have needed to hear at their age. Offer them that. And when your own feelings rise, whether guilt, exhaustion, or overwhelm, do not silence them. Step away if you need to, take a breath, and name the emotion softly to yourself. That is not weakness; it is parenting with integrity. 

Accepting your child’s emotions does not mean denying your own. It means modelling emotional fluency, not suppression. Your child will learn not just from how you respond to their feelings, but from how you handle your own with dignity, calm, and care. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Quran teaches us that some feelings especially sorrow and anger, are part of the human experience. Even prophets, with their elevated character, were not denied emotional depth. 

A Reminder of Grief with Dignity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), verses 84–86: 

‘And he (Prophet Yaqoob (AS)) turned his face away from them, and exclaimed: “Alas, my regret, over (the loss of, Prophet) Yusuf (AS);” and his eyes became white (i.e. diminished in sight) from the heartache (of losing his two sons), which he had been suppressing (up to that point), (the brothers) said (to their father): “By Allah (Almighty) you will not seize to remember (Prophet) Yusuf (AS), until you have become terminally ill, or have been annihilated.” (Prophet Yaqoob (AS)) replied: “I am only complaining to Allah (Almighty) of my anguish and heartache; and I have been made aware from Allah (Almighty) of matters that you do not know”.’ 

Here, Prophet Yaqub (peace be upon him) grieves openly, with words and tears. He is not reprimanded. His emotions are not erased. They are held with compassion and expressed with trust in Allah. 

The Prophetic Model: Permission to Feel Deeply 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Verily, the eyes shed tears and the heart grieves, but we do not say except what is pleasing to our Lord.‘

[Sahih al-Bukhari, 23:61] 

This Hadith models what emotional alignment looks like: permission to feel deeply, and the spiritual maturity to respond with truth and grace. 

You can parent in a way that heals, not repeats. And you can feel your emotions without fear that they will overtake you. This is not just emotional resilience; it is part of your Amanah.