How should parents respond when children say they feel ‘less loved’ because their sibling gets more digital freedom? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child says they feel ‘less loved’ because of stricter screen time rules, it is often a sign they are interpreting those rules emotionally, not rationally. In their mind, more freedom can feel like more affection, while boundaries can feel like rejection. It is vital for parents to respond with both empathy and clarity, showing that love is expressed by providing the specific care each child needs, not by giving identical privileges. 

Validate Their Feelings 

Start by acknowledging their emotional perspective without immediately dismissing it. You could say, ‘I understand that it must feel unfair to see your sibling has more freedom in this area.’ This validation helps the child to feel heard and shows them that their feelings matter, which can de-escalate the situation and open the door for a calmer conversation. 

Explain That Rules Reflect Protection, Not Love 

Gently clarify that your rules are tailored to each child’s age and maturity. You might explain: ‘Because you are younger, your rules are different. That does not mean we love you any less. In fact, these boundaries exist precisely because we love you so much and want to protect you.’ 

Show Love in Other Tangible Ways 

It is important to balance stricter rules with other forms of positive attention. Make a conscious effort to spend quality one-on-one time with the child, celebrate their small achievements, and praise their unique strengths and qualities. When children feel loved and valued in ways that are unrelated to screen time, they are less likely to measure your affection through digital privileges. 

Reaffirm Equality in Value 

Consistently remind all your children that they are equally cherished, even if their freedoms and responsibilities differ. Reinforce the message that your love for them is unconditional and unchanging, but that certain privileges are earned through growth and responsible behaviour. 

By pairing emotional reassurance with clear, consistent boundaries, parents can help their children separate the concept of ‘being loved’ from the idea of ‘having the same rules as everyone else.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam establishes justice and mercy as the cornerstones of effective parenting. While children must always be treated with fairness and love, it is important to understand that fairness does not always mean identical treatment. Rather, it means giving each child the specific guidance, support, and boundaries that will benefit them the most. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Isra (17), Verses 70: 

‘And We have certainly honoured the children of Adam and carried them on the land and sea and provided for them of the good things and preferred them over much of what We have created with [definite] preference…’ 

This verse reminds us that while Allah Almighty honours all of humanity, He bestows different provisions and blessings upon people according to His wisdom. In a family, this teaches us that different treatment does not imply a difference in value or honour. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nasai, Hadith 3687, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Treat your children fairly. Treat your children fairly.’ 

This emphatic command highlights that fairness is a cornerstone of Islamic parenting. Parents must be able to reassure their children that any differences in rules are based on wisdom and care, never on a difference in love. 

By sharing this wisdom with their children, parents can help them understand that a parent’s love is constant, even when rules and freedoms may differ between siblings. Over time, this helps them to internalise the truth that boundaries are acts of care, not of rejection, and that true love is shown through protection, guidance, and justice.