How should parents respond if their child tries to secretly record themselves for peer approval online? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child secretly records themselves to gain peer approval, whether by imitating viral dances or participating in online dares, it often points to a deeper need for validation and a sense of belonging. Instead of reacting with anger or shame, which can drive the behaviour further underground, parents can view this as a crucial opportunity to guide their child towards healthier and more sustainable ways of building confidence and self-worth. 

Address the Motive, Not Just the Act 

Instead of asking an accusatory question like, ‘Why did you lie to us?,’ try to focus on the underlying motive. You could open a discussion by saying: ‘It seems like you really wanted your friends to notice you. Let us talk about why their approval feels so important right now.’ This approach keeps the door open for honest reflection. 

Discuss the Risks Clearly 

Gently explain that once a video is posted online, it can spread far beyond their control, creating the risk of future embarrassment or even long-term harm. You can say: ‘What might feel like harmless fun today could be used to hurt or embarrass you later on. Protecting your dignity is more valuable than a few temporary likes.’ 

Redirect Them to Positive Confidence-Building 

Encourage your child to channel their creative energy into safe and beneficial outlets. This could include working on family projects, joining a sports team, practising their writing, or even making fun videos that are only shared privately with family. This allows them to enjoy self-expression without the risks of public exposure. 

Reassure Them of Their True Worth 

Take every opportunity to remind your child that they do not need the approval of an online audience to be a valuable and loved person. Affirm their unique strengths and good qualities at home so that they learn that true confidence comes from who they are, not from the fleeting reactions of others. 

By balancing empathy with firm boundaries, parents can help to transform this secretive behaviour into a meaningful and powerful lesson in self-worth, dignity, and responsibility. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true dignity (izzah) is a gift from Allah Almighty, not something that should be bargained away for a moment of fleeting online attention. Seeking the approval of others through risky or undignified behaviour weakens the heart, whereas true honour is found in self-respect. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Faatir (35), Verses 10: 

‘ So for whoever desires respectability, so (know that) all respectability is from Allah (Almighty) in absolute terms; so all meaningful conversations are defined by Him, and all virtuous actions are given accolade by Him; and those people that scheme in an evil manner, for them is a severe punishment, and all their plotting shall disintegrate (with no outcomes).‘ 

This verse reminds us that real and lasting honour is not found in the approval of our peers, but is granted only by Allah Almighty as a result of our good words and righteous deeds. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.’ 

This profound teaching clarifies that a person’s true worth is measured by the sincerity of their heart and the quality of their actions, not by how popular or visible they are to other people. 

By grounding the conversation in these faith principles, parents can help their child to see that they do not need to secretly record videos to gain attention. Their real value is already secured through their identity as a beloved servant of Allah Almighty. Over time, they can learn that protecting their God-given dignity is far more empowering than chasing digital approval.