How should parents handle it when extended family members allow children more screen freedom, creating tension at home? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common and frustrating challenge when grandparents or other relatives permit more screen time than parents do. This can lead to children returning home feeling confused and resentful, often questioning their own family’s rules. These situations are delicate, as they involve balancing parental authority with the desire for family harmony. The key is to uphold your household values with gentle firmness, while still showing respect for your extended family. 

Explain That Different Households Have Different Rules 

Help your children understand the concept that different households operate with different rules, and that this is normal. You could say: ‘At Grandma’s house, the routine is different, but in our home, we follow our family rules because we believe they are what is best for us.’ This helps children contextualise the differences without feeling that their own home is unfair. 

Communicate Respectfully With Relatives 

If the inconsistency in rules is causing significant disruption, it is important to speak privately with your relatives. Instead of using an accusatory tone, frame the conversation in terms of your values: ‘We are trying to be very intentional about limiting screen time so the children can focus on their studies and prayer. It would be a great help to us if you could support that when they are with you.’ 

Strengthen Your Own Consistency 

Even when your children protest after a lenient visit with relatives, it is crucial to avoid bending your own rules simply to match others. Consistency at home provides security and reassures children that your family’s boundaries are clear and non-negotiable. Over time, they will learn that what is allowed elsewhere does not change the standards in their own home. 

Offer Alternatives at Gatherings 

When visiting extended family where you know devices will be freely available, come prepared with engaging offline activities. Bringing along a favourite board game, a book, or a craft can give your children an appealing alternative to screens, reducing the likelihood of conflict at family events. 

By balancing respect for your relatives with firmness in your own home, you can protect your parenting boundaries while preserving the harmony of the wider family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on respecting and maintaining family ties, but it also clearly states that parents hold the ultimate responsibility for their children’s upbringing. Navigating situations where these two principles seem to conflict requires wisdom, with the goal of protecting both your relationships and your core values. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah At Tahrim (66), Verses 6: 

‘O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…’ 

This powerful verse serves as a reminder that parents are ultimately accountable for guiding and protecting their own families, even when other well-meaning relatives may take a more relaxed approach. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you will be asked about his flock. A man is a shepherd over his family and will be asked about them.’ 

This teaching clarifies that the primary responsibility for a child’s welfare rests with the parents. This duty cannot be delegated, and it means that a parent must be prepared to make decisions they feel are best, even if they differ from those of other family members. 

By grounding their parenting decisions in their accountability to Allah Almighty, parents can find the strength to hold their ground with kindness and firmness. This teaches children a valuable lesson over time: that deep love for one’s extended family can and must coexist with loyalty to the rules of their own home. They learn that true care sometimes means saying no, even when other loved ones are saying yes.