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How should I respond when I feel furious at my child but know that shouting will make things worse? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Emotion 

Anger indicates overload rather than a lack of love. Shouting is a decision, but rage is a human emotion. When you are under pressure, your nervous system takes over and reasoning tends to shut down. The objective is to keep anger from turning into destructive behaviour, not to eradicate it. 

Breaking the Pattern 

Learn how to physically break the pattern. Avoid arguing when on the surge. Instead, use activity to centre yourself: take five loud breaths, wash your hands carefully, grasp a cool object, or go outside for 30 seconds. Your brain receives a safety signal from these actions, which activate your body’s regulatory systems. Speak a boundary aloud: I am too upset to speak right now. I will come back when I calm down. This demonstrates that emotional leadership involves self-discipline and shields your child from your reactivity. 

Returning to the Situation 

Return when you are more composed and deal with the behaviour rationally rather than emotionally. Use statements like: Earlier I was too upset to talk, but this is what we need to work on. Your emotional self-control serves as an example of emotional safety, which is considerably more effective than any form of discipline. Children will distinctly remember the tone, volume, and energy you brought into the room, even if they cannot recall what made you angry. That is what shapes trust.

 Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey:

Spiritual Insight 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never responded in anger for personal reasons. He only showed intensity in matters of truth or justice. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6116, that a man repeatedly asked the Prophet ﷺ for advice. In each case, the Prophet ﷺ said: 

Do not become angry. 

This Hadith is less about suppressing emotion and more about protecting the sacred trust which is extremely relevant and applicable between parent and child. Allah Almighty reminds us in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination. “

By restraining yourself from the temptation to shout, you are not repressing your feelings but rather converting them into a kind of mercy that fosters trust. Even if your child will not recall the specifics of the argument, they will cherish the security of your self-control for years to come.

 Click below to discover meaningful books that nurture strong values in your child and support you on your parenting journey:

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