How does borrowing from relatives affect children’s pride? 

Parenting Perspective 

When parents need to borrow money from relatives, children often notice the subtle changes in the home, such as hushed conversations or visible signs of stress. Even if the details are not explained to them, children can quickly sense this shift from independence to dependence. This can affect their pride, making them feel that their family is somehow ‘less’ than others. 

The Emotional Sensitivity to Dependence 

A child’s sense of pride is closely linked to the dignity and stability of their family unit. When they perceive a loss of independence, it can make them feel vulnerable and insecure. 

Feelings of Embarrassment and Inferiority 

Children may feel embarrassed if they believe their relatives now view their family with pity or judgment. This can deepen if the borrowing becomes a topic of conversation at family gatherings. Over time, a child may avoid social interactions or withdraw from relatives, feeling their family’s status has been diminished. 

The Strain on the Parent-Child Relationship 

Some children might quietly blame their parents for needing to ask for help, while others may grow resentful of the relatives who are providing the support. Both reactions can weaken trust and respect within the home. This situation can be especially frustrating for teenagers, who long for independence but feel trapped by the family’s financial situation. 

The Long-Term Consequences 

This experience can shape a child’s long-term outlook. 

• A Fragile Identity: They may internalise the belief that a person’s worth is tied only to their financial independence. 

• Social Anxiety: They can develop a fear of being judged or ridiculed by their community. 

• A Material Obsession: Some may overcompensate in adulthood, chasing wealth to avoid ever feeling indebted to anyone again. 

Guiding a Child Through the Challenge 

Parents can preserve their child’s pride with an honest and reassuring approach. 

• Explain calmly that seeking help in times of need is not shameful, but is a normal part of life. 

• Emphasise family unity and love, reminding your child that dignity is not lost when asking for support. 

• Model gratitude and responsibility by repaying any debts with sincerity, showing that honour is maintained through integrity. 

• Teach resilience by highlighting that true strength lies in rising again after a hardship, not in avoiding it altogether. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam permits borrowing in times of need but places great emphasis on maintaining one’s dignity and having a sincere intention to repay. While dependence on others can be difficult, the ultimate dependence of a believer is always upon Allah. This perspective can transform a moment of financial difficulty into a lesson on trust and integrity. 

A Quranic Reminder on Dependence on Allah 

The Quran reminds us that Allah never burdens us with more than we can handle, and that every challenge is within our capacity to endure with patience. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 286: 

‘ Allah (Almighty) does not place any burden on any human being except that which is within his capacity…’ 

This verse reassures families that financial hardship is a test they have the strength to overcome. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Borrowing Carefully 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that borrowing is not in itself shameful, but that the intention behind it is what truly matters. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2387, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever takes the money of people with the intention of repaying it, Allah will repay it on his behalf; and whoever takes it with the intention of destroying it, then Allah will destroy him.’ 

This hadith shows that borrowing is permissible when done responsibly, and that Allah supports those who are sincere in their intention to repay. 

By framing the act of borrowing as a temporary step, undertaken with dignity and trust in Allah, parents can protect their child’s pride. Children can learn that challenges do not define their family’s worth, but their honesty, patience, and reliance on Allah do. This ensures their self-respect remains intact, even during times of financial struggle.