Parenting Perspective 

When a child is unable to afford gifts for their friends, whether for a birthday or a school event, it can create feelings of embarrassment, sadness, and inadequacy. In social circles where giving gifts is seen as an important sign of friendship, a child may wrongly conclude that their own friendships are less valuable because they cannot contribute in the same material way. 

The Emotional Strain of Inadequacy 

Children in this situation may feel guilty or anxious, worrying that their friends will think less of them. They might avoid social occasions altogether or try to downplay their presence, believing they have nothing valuable to offer. 

The Risk of Withdrawal or Overcompensation 

This emotional strain can lead to negative behaviours. 

• Some children may withdraw socially to avoid facing the shame of not being able to give a gift. 

• Others might try to overcompensate by pressuring their parents for money or spending their own savings unwisely. 

The Distortion of Friendship Values 

When a child begins to equate gift-giving with social acceptance, they can start to undervalue the importance of kindness, loyalty, and sincerity. Over time, this can make relationships feel transactional, which weakens their ability to form genuine and lasting friendships. 

How to Support Your Child 

Parents can help their children navigate this issue with confidence and grace. 

• Reassure them that real friendships are based on care, not on material exchanges. 

• Encourage creative alternatives, such as handmade cards, thoughtful notes, or a special drawing. 

• Highlight the value of time, attention, and kind words as some of the most meaningful gifts a person can give. 

• Share family values of sincerity and generosity in non-material ways. 

This guidance helps children to understand that their presence, effort, and affection are far more precious than anything with a price tag. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that sincerity and intention are far more important than the material value of a gift. A simple item given with genuine love, or even a warm smile, is more beloved to Allah than an extravagant gift that lacks sincerity. 

The Reward of Sincere Giving 

The Quran teaches that the true value of giving lies in the sincerity with which it is done, not in the size or cost of the gift. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 92: 

‘You will never attain (the zenith of) virtue until you expend (in the way of Allah Almighty) that which you love the most; and whatever you spend from anything (that belongs to you), then indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Omniscient (and has full knowledge) of it.‘ 

This verse shows that the value of a gift is in the love and sincerity behind it. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Small Acts of Kindness 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that no good deed is too small to have immense value in the sight of Allah, including simple acts of kindness towards others. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2626, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not belittle any good deed, even meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’ 

This beautiful hadith reminds us that even a cheerful expression is a form of charity and a valuable gift in Islam. 

By grounding children in the belief that kindness, effort, and sincerity are what truly matter, parents can help them feel secure even if they cannot afford expensive gifts. This nurtures humility and gratitude, fostering stronger friendships built on values that are beloved by Allah and protecting the child from unnecessary feelings of shame.