How do we teach boys that haya applies to them online just as much as to girls? 

Parenting Perspective 

In many cultures, modesty is incorrectly seen as a value primarily for girls. It is crucial to teach our sons from a young age that haya (modesty and self-respect) is a universal Islamic quality that strengthens the character of both men and women. 

Explain That Haya is for Everyone 

Be very clear in your language that haya is not a ‘girls-only’ value. Explain that it is a quality for every single Muslim, and it covers how we dress, speak, and interact with others, both in person and online. 

Connect It to Self-Respect and Honour 

Frame haya not as a restriction, but as a form of self-respect and honour. Show them how behaving with modesty protects their dignity and earns them genuine respect from others, which is a sign of true strength. 

Use Real Digital Scenarios 

Talk about real-life digital situations they might encounter. This could include how to make respectful comments, avoiding inappropriate jokes in a group chat, or not posting photos that are designed to show off. This makes the concept practical and relevant to their world. 

Highlight Positive Male Role Models 

Children learn powerfully from examples. Point out Muslim men in your family or community whom you respect, and who conduct themselves with dignity and restraint. Positive role models show them that modesty strengthens a man’s character. 

These conversations help to build a balanced and wholesome understanding of what it means to be a young Muslim man in the digital age. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Quran and Sunnah are clear that righteousness and modesty are universal values required of all believers, regardless of gender. 

Modesty for All Believers 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujurat (49), Verse 13: 

‘Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you…’ 

This reminds us that true honour in the sight of Allah comes from righteousness (taqwa), not from gender, status, or seeking attention. Modesty is a vital part of this righteousness for all. 

Haya as a Universal Virtue 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2615, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Faith consists of more than sixty or seventy branches And modesty (Haya’) is a branch of faith.’ 

This teaches us that modesty is an inseparable part of faith for both men and women. It is a quality that should be upheld in all spaces, including the digital world. 

By teaching our sons that haya is a vital branch of their own faith, we equip them with a principle that will guide them to interact with the world, online and off, with integrity, respect, and God-consciousness.