Parenting Perspective 

It is a common dynamic for children to quickly identify which parent is more likely to grant their requests. If parents are not aligned, a child may try to play one against the other. This behaviour does not mean the child is being deliberately manipulative; it is simply a natural way of testing boundaries. The solution is not to scold, but to create a system of parental unity that makes it clear that asking twice will not yield a different result. 

Commit to a United Front 

The first step is for both parents to agree privately that once one parent has given an answer, particularly a ‘no’, the other will not overturn it. This requires a system of parental unity. If your child then approaches the parent they perceive as ‘softer’, that parent’s role is to calmly redirect them by asking, ‘What did your Mum/Dad say?’ and then affirming, ‘Then that is our final answer’. 

Communicate the ‘One Answer’ Rule 

Communicate this new family rule to your child in a calm and clear moment. You could say, ‘From now on, when one of us gives you an answer, that is the answer from both of us. Asking the other parent again will not change it’. Using calm and firm language helps them understand this as a household principle, not a personal rejection. 

Validate Feelings While Upholding the Decision 

The parent who is being asked a second time can, and should, show empathy without caving in. For example, they might say, ‘I know you really wanted that extra biscuit, and it is disappointing when the answer is no. But we both agree that it is not the right time’. This approach validates their feelings while preserving the crucial boundary of consistency. 

By consistently standing together, you and your partner reinforce your authority, reduce household conflict, and teach your child to respect clear boundaries. Children ultimately feel more secure when they know their parents are united, fair, and dependable. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on justice, unity, and consistency, particularly in matters of leadership and guidance. When parents act with fairness and present a united front, children learn to respect authority and appreciate the value of trustworthiness. 

The Strength Found in Unity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), Verse 4: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) loves those people who fight in His pathway; in a single column as if they are a firmly intertwined structure.’ 

This powerful image teaches us that unity creates unbreakable strength. In a family, parents who stand together like a firm, single structure provide the security and clear boundaries that children need to thrive and feel safe. 

The Shared Responsibility of Parents 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you will be asked about his flock.’ 

This profound Hadith reminds us that both parents are equally responsible for the guidance and upbringing of their children. Fulfilling this shared duty effectively requires that they are aligned, consistent, and supportive of one another’s decisions. 

When parents remain firm and united, children see justice and wisdom in action. They grow up understanding that love is not about always saying ‘yes’, but about setting boundaries that protect their long-term wellbeing and help to build their character.