How do we share mental load so one parent is not the constant ‘police’? 

Parenting Perspective 

In many families, one parent inadvertently ends up carrying the invisible ‘mental load’ of remembering rules, enforcing limits, and managing daily routines. This imbalance can create exhaustion for one parent and resentment from the other, while the children may begin to see only one parent as the ‘strict one’. Sharing this mental load fairly helps both parents to stay balanced and keeps discipline consistent, without causing damage to family bonds. 

Divide Roles Clearly 

It is helpful to sit down together and decide who will take primary responsibility for which areas. This could include bedtime routines, homework checks, screen time limits, or household chores. Once decided, it is important to share the rules openly with your children so they know that both parents enforce them equally. This prevents one parent from always being the enforcer while the other appears more lenient. 

Present a United Front 

Even if you happen to disagree on a rule privately, it is crucial to maintain a sense of consistency in front of the children. A simple phrase, such as, ‘We have agreed as parents that this is the rule,’ shows your children that discipline comes from a place of unity, not from one parent acting alone. This helps to build their respect for the rules and reduces their tendency to test the boundaries. 

Rotate and Support Each Other 

If you notice that one parent has been doing most of the reminding, the other can make a conscious effort to step in. For example, one parent could take over the homework supervision for a full week. This signals to your children that responsibility is a shared family value and that no single parent is the constant ‘police’. 

By dividing roles, supporting one another, and presenting rules as a team, parents can protect each other from burnout and model a spirit of teamwork that strengthens the stability of the entire family. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, the family is seen as a partnership built on a foundation of mutual cooperation, fairness, and shared responsibility. Carrying the burdens of the household together is considered an act of piety. 

Mutual Cooperation as a Divine Principle 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maidah (5), Verse 2: 

‘…And participate with each other to promote righteousness and piety, and do not collaborate in the committal of any sin or moral transgression…’ 

This verse reminds us that fulfilling family duties is a shared responsibility, and that cooperation in all matters of goodness and righteousness is a part of our faith. 

The Prophetic Example of Shared Responsibility 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ modelled this principle beautifully in his own home. When his wife, Aisha (RA), was asked what he used to do at home, she gave the following reply. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6039, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He used to keep himself busy serving his family, and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the Prophet ﷺ did not leave all of the household responsibilities to others but took an active part in the life of his family. 

By sharing the mental and practical load of running a home, parents are mirroring this beautiful Prophetic model of cooperation and fairness. Children then see that their family life is built not on one parent enforcing all the rules alone, but on a foundation of shared responsibility, mercy, and teamwork, which are values that are deeply loved by Allah Almighty.