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How do we raise a united, grounded child when we ourselves are still figuring out what kind of parents we want to be?

Parenting Perspective

Moving from Doubt to Intention

Many parents assume that in order to raise a confident child, they must first figure out everything. However, most parents adapt to their roles with time. The idea is not to have perfect solutions, but to demonstrate to your child that growth, contemplation, and togetherness are normal aspects of family life, not deficiencies. Begin by converting doubt into intention. Sit down with your partner and discuss not only ways, but values: What characteristics do we want our children to develop? What kind of family environment do we hope to create? Even if your approaches differ (one is patient, the other assertive), your values can still be compatible. Concentrate on that alignment.

Modelling Growth and Humility

Allow your child to realise that parenting is not a performance. It is a process. When you make mistakes, model humility: I handled that too harshly, let us talk about it. When your spouse does better in one area, acknowledge it: Mum is really good at explaining things calmly. Let us learn from that. Children educated in this kind of honesty learn that strength is not about always being right; it is about being authentic, introspective, and respectful. Most importantly, stay emotionally aligned with each other in front of your child. Even if you are unsure of your own parenting style, your child will feel safe if you communicate, decide, and correct in a united, respectful, and loving manner. That emotional comfort is what provides the foundation for character.

Spiritual Insight

Islam does not expect parents to be faultless, but rather sincere and committed to their children’s trust. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Taghaabun (64), Verse 15:

Indeed, your wealth and your children are a trial and tribulation for you; and with Allah (Almighty) lays the greatest reward.

This verse reminds us that parenting is not about having all the answers. It is about going through the trial with awareness, honesty, and hope for the reward. It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2564, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

Indeed, Allah Almighty does not look at your appearance or wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.

What matters most in parenting is the purity of intention and the desire to improve. When your child sees you working together, they learn not confusion, but clarity: that growth is valuable, meditation is noble, and parenting is a form of worship.

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