How do we plan restitution when something was broken or lost?

Parenting Perspective

Restitution should not be viewed as a punishment. Instead, it is a practical process for restoring trust after property has been damaged or lost. The objective is to help your child take ownership of the situation, agree on a fair way to make amends, and implement a preventative measure to reduce the chances of it happening again.

A Simple and Fair Restitution Plan

A straightforward approach can be guided by the ‘Three Rs’, which you can keep visible on a small card for reference.

· Recognise: State the facts of what happened without making excuses. For example, ‘I dropped your headphones and they have cracked.’

· Restore: Agree on one concrete action that directly helps the person who was affected.

· Prevent: Establish a single, visible safeguard to avoid a repeat of the incident.

Determining a Proportionate Response

To decide on the most appropriate way to restore what was damaged, walk through four key questions with your child.

· Who was affected? Clearly name the person whose item was harmed.

· What will actually help? Discuss whether a repair, a replacement, or a fair financial contribution is the best solution.

· What is proportionate? Generally, a full replacement is fair for new items, while a partial contribution is suitable for older or worn items. If a repair will restore its function, that is often the best course.

· How soon can we act? The same day is ideal. If that is not possible, set a specific date and ensure it is honoured.

A useful rule of thumb is to aim for a full repair or replacement for new or borrowed items. For older belongings, a contribution based on fair market value is more appropriate. If an item is irreplaceable, a meaningful alternative should be offered, such as helping with a task or cleaning a shared space.

Age-Appropriate Financial Contributions

· Ages 6–9: The child can participate physically in the repair and contribute a small, symbolic amount from their pocket money or complete a short, helpful task.

· Ages 10–13: Costs can be split sensibly, with the child paying a portion from their allowance or money earned from chores, while parents cover any unaffordable remainder.

· Ages 14–16: The teenager should lead the communication, research repair or replacement options, and fund a larger portion of the cost through their allowance, savings, or extra jobs arranged with you.

Scripts to Uphold Dignity

Coach your child to use brief and respectful language, practising with them during a calm moment.

· To the owner: ‘I broke your headphones and I am sorry. I can pay £X towards a replacement this week and £Y next week, or I can arrange a repair. Which would you prefer?’

· If an item was lost: ‘I have lost your book. I can buy a replacement for you by Friday, or I can pay the library fee and give you the receipt.’

Maintain a steady and supportive tone throughout. Shame is not a constructive tool for repair; clear, actionable steps are.

Creating a Teachable Payment Plan

Work together to write a mini-budget to make the process clear and manageable.

· Total due: £[Amount]

· Today’s action: Payment of £[Amount] or confirmed repair appointment.

· Next payment dates: Set one or two specific dates.

· Earning plan: List extra chores with set rates or allocate saved pocket money.

You can photograph the plan and, where appropriate, share it with the item’s owner. Meeting agreed-upon dates is a powerful way to build integrity.

Implementing Visible Safeguards

Agree on one tangible preventative measure and place it in the location where the risk exists.

· Technology is stored in a designated basket by the door.

· Drinks must stay on a coaster or mat.

· Library books are kept in a labelled protective sleeve.

· A phone reminder is set for return dates.

Write the new rule in a single sentence and place it on a bag, desk, or shelf as a visible reminder.

Modelling a Healthy Dialogue

· Child: ‘I cracked the controller. I will never play games again.’

· Parent: ‘Feeling bad will not fix it. The fact is the controller has cracked. To restore it, we will find the price for a replacement shell, and you can contribute from your pocket money over the next two Saturdays. To prevent this again, the controllers must be returned to the stand after use.’

Closing the Loop with Integrity

Once the payment or repair is complete, encourage your child to send a short confirmation: ‘The item was replaced today. Thank you for your patience.’ End the entire process by reinforcing their place in the family and the values you uphold: ‘You are loved here. We tell the truth, restore what we can, and protect things better next time.’ This process effectively transforms remorse into reliability.

Spiritual Insight

Returning Trusts to Their People

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58:

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners…’

This powerful verse reminds us that other people’s property is a trust (amanah) in our care. When something is broken or lost, we honour this trust by acting quickly and fairly. Guide your child to state the facts, restore what is due, and establish a preventative measure, all for the sake of Allah Almighty. In this way, the act of restitution becomes a form of worship through justice and care.

Excellence in Repaying Debts

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2393, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘The best of you are those who are best in repayment.’

This hadith teaches that the manner in which we return what is owed is a true mark of our character. You can bring this principle to life for your child by encouraging a sincere apology, a concrete plan with clear dates, and, if possible, a small gesture of excellence, such as returning the item in a tidy case or ensuring prompt delivery. This action should be paired with a brief prayer for forgiveness (istighfar) and gratitude for the opportunity to make things right.

Over time, your child learns that dignity is not lost by admitting a fault. It is built through honest restoration and reliable follow-through, seeking the pleasure of Allah Almighty and protecting the well-being of those they have affected.