How do we help children understand that private messages and DMs still fall under the rules of haya? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common misconception among children that what happens in private messages is a ‘no-rules’ zone. It is vital to teach them that the principles of modesty and respect apply to all their interactions, whether public or private. 

Explain That Privacy Does Not Remove Responsibility 

Help your child to understand that our Islamic values apply everywhere. Explain that just because a message is private, it does not mean it is hidden from the sight of Allah. Our responsibility for our words is the same. 

Discuss Real-World Parallels 

Use a simple analogy from the real world. You can explain that a private message is like speaking to someone in a closed room; even though others cannot hear, we are still expected to speak with respect and good manners. 

Teach Boundaries in Digital Communication 

Gently guide them on what is appropriate in private messages. Encourage them to avoid overly familiar language, jokes that could be misunderstood, or sharing photos that they would not show publicly. It is about maintaining dignity in all spaces. 

Promote Self-Reflection Before Sending 

Give them a simple habit to practise before they send any message or photo. Encourage them to pause and ask themselves, ‘Would I feel good if my parents read this?’ This brief moment of self-reflection builds internal discipline. 

These conversations help them to build a strong moral compass that guides them even when no one is watching. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true modesty (haya) is a state of the heart that reflects in our behaviour, whether in public or in absolute privacy, because a believer is always conscious of Allah’s presence. 

Allah’s Knowledge Encompasses All Spaces 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Mujadila (58), Verse 7: 

‘There is no private conversation of three but that He is the fourth of them… nor of less than that or more but that He is with them wherever they are…’ 

This powerful verse reminds us that no conversation is ever truly private from Allah, whose knowledge encompasses all things. This encourages us to maintain our integrity everywhere. 

Modesty as a Safeguard Everywhere 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4181, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, every religion has a distinct characteristic, and the distinct characteristic of Islam is modesty (Haya’).’ 

This teaches children that haya is an essential part of a Muslim’s identity, which they carry with them in all their interactions, both public and private.