How do we handle it when one child follows the agreement and another keeps testing it? 

Parenting Perspective 

This is a common challenge that can test a family’s sense of fairness. The key is to address each child’s behaviour individually, reinforcing the idea that choices have personal consequences. 

Avoid Comparisons and Focus on Individual Choices 

While it is tempting to praise one child in front of the other, direct comparisons often breed resentment. Instead, it is better to address each child’s behaviour privately. Emphasise that following or breaking the agreement is their own personal choice, not a competition. 

Use Natural and Individual Consequences 

If one child tests the limits, the consequence should affect only them. For example, the child who breaks the rule might lose some device time the next day, while the sibling who followed it continues as normal. This makes it clear that consequences are tied to personal actions, not collective punishment. 

Reinforce Positive Behaviour Without Creating Rivalry 

When you recognise the child who has been consistent, do it in a way that does not create rivalry. A simple, quiet comment like, ‘I really appreciate how you have been respecting our plan,’ reinforces their good habits while keeping the focus on their personal responsibility. 

This approach teaches both children fairness and accountability. 

Spiritual Insight 

From an Islamic perspective, each individual is accountable for their own actions, regardless of the choices made by those around them. This principle of individual responsibility is a cornerstone of justice. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anam (6), Verse 164: 

‘And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another…’ 

This reinforces the principle that responsibility is individual. One child’s missteps should not diminish the good efforts of the other, and consequences should be applied accordingly. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.’ 

This reminds us that while parents are responsible for guiding all their children, this guidance must be applied justly, nurturing each child according to their individual needs and behaviour. Handling each situation fairly avoids creating unnecessary tension between siblings.