How do we handle guilt for peeking at a sibling’s messages? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child secretly looks at a sibling’s messages and then feels guilty about it, it reveals two important things: a lapse in respecting another’s privacy and, at the same time, a growing sense of conscience. Many children are naturally curious, but peeking at private messages is a breach of trust that can hurt relationships. Guiding your child through this moment will help them to develop respect for boundaries, honesty in admitting mistakes, and healthier ways of handling their curiosity. 

Understand Why Children Peek 

A child may peek at a sibling’s messages for several reasons. 

• Curiosity: Simply wanting to know what a private conversation is about. 

• Jealousy: They may be worrying that they are being left out or spoken about. 

• Testing boundaries: They are checking to see what will happen if they do something that is forbidden. 

• Boredom: They may just be looking for a source of entertainment. 

Teach the Value of Privacy 

Explain that just as they want their own belongings and thoughts to be respected, so do other people. 

• ‘Imagine if your sibling read your private diary or your chats with your friends. How would that make you feel?’ 

• ‘Everyone in a family deserves to have their own private space.’ 

This helps them to empathise with how their sibling might be feeling. 

Guide Them on How to Make Amends 

If the sibling knows their messages were read, your child should apologise directly. 

• ‘I am sorry that I read your messages. That was not a respectful thing to do.’ 

• ‘I should not have looked at your phone. I will respect your privacy from now on.’ 

If the sibling does not know, you can still guide your child to apologise privately to Allah and to make a firm commitment not to repeat the behaviour. 

Provide a Respectful Script to Practise 

A child may feel nervous about apologising. You can offer them a short script to use: ‘I looked at your messages without asking. I am sorry, and I will respect your privacy from now on.’ 

Set Clearer Boundaries at Home 

Use this as an opportunity to reinforce your family’s rules about privacy. 

• Personal belongings like phones, diaries, or private notebooks are off-limits to everyone without permission. 

• If your child is feeling curious or worried about something, they should learn to talk to you about it rather than snooping. 

Help Them Reflect on Handling Curiosity 

Talk with your child about some alternative ways they could have handled their feelings. 

• Ask their sibling directly if they are feeling left out of a conversation. 

• Share their feelings of jealousy or insecurity with you. 

• Distract themselves with another activity when they feel tempted to peek. 

Praise Their Honesty 

Feeling guilty and admitting it is a big step. Be sure to acknowledge it positively: ‘I am so glad that you told me about this. It shows that you care about being an honest and respectful person.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

When your child feels guilty for peeking at a sibling’s messages, it is a lesson not only in privacy but also in trust, respect, and faith. By guiding them to apologise and by linking their actions to the teachings of the Quran and the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, you can show them that true strength lies in respecting the rights of others. 

Respecting Privacy Is an Islamic Duty 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive…’ 

This powerful verse shows how seriously Islam forbids the act of spying or prying into the private matters of others. Teaching your child that peeking at messages is a form of spying helps them to see why it is an act that damages trust and is displeasing to Allah. 

Violating Trust Has Serious Consequences 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1167, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever listens to people’s conversations when they dislike it, molten lead will be poured into his ears on the Day of Resurrection.’ 

This hadith reminds us that violating a person’s privacy is a serious matter. By apologising to their sibling and asking for forgiveness from Allah, your child learns that sincerity is what restores their dignity after a mistake. 

Over time, your child will learn that their natural curiosity should never cross over into the realm of spying, and that Allah loves those who honour the trusts that are placed with them.