How do we balance flexibility for one child without making the other feel unfairly treated? 

Parenting Perspective 

Fairness between siblings does not always mean sameness. When one child earns more flexibility with screen time, it is important to handle it with transparency to prevent the other from feeling resentful. 

Explain the Context Clearly 

When one child is given extra flexibility, it is important to explain the reason clearly. For example, ‘Your sister needs more computer time this week for her school project. When you have similar projects, you will get the same.’ This frames the difference as a matter of need and readiness, not favouritism. 

Offer Equivalent Privileges in Different Forms 

Fairness is about meeting each child’s needs, not treating them identically. A younger child who does not get extra screen time might receive a different, age-appropriate privilege, such as choosing the family movie. This shows that each child is valued individually. 

Maintain Consistent Core Rules 

While some rules can be flexible, it is important to have core boundaries that apply to everyone. Keeping consistent rules, such as no devices at mealtimes, fosters a sense of unity and reminds everyone that they are part of the same family team. 

When flexibility is framed as a tailored response to individual responsibility rather than arbitrary favouritism, children learn that fairness is about meeting needs and rewarding maturity, not treating everyone exactly the same. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on the principle of justice (‘adl), especially in how parents deal with their children. This does not mean identical treatment, but giving each person their due according to their individual needs, rights, and circumstances. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm for Allah, witnesses in justice, and do not let the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to righteousness…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice requires us to make careful distinctions based on what is truly right and fair in each specific situation. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and treat your children justly.’ 

This teaches that fairness does not mean identical treatment in every situation, but ensuring that each child is treated with equity according to their needs. By explaining this to your children, you can help them see that flexibility for one is not neglect of the other, but a reflection of justice in action.